The Girlfriend Network

Printable Coupon for Courageous the Movie on DVD (Canada only)

2012-01-09T17:01:00.000-05:00

Another Absolute Must Read!!!!

2012-01-06T15:25:00.001-05:00

The Resolution for Women by Priscilla Shirer

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Like The Resolution for Men, I'm declaring this book an absolute must read for women and young women.

Today's culture has completely muddied the definitions of husband and wife, father and mother, which are completely contrary to the definitions the Bible lays out. As Christian moms and wives, we need to have these boundaries between the culture's definition and God's definition clearly set apart from one another--and choose to follow and implement and live out God's.

When we start making up our own rules, we open up a whole can of worms that can spell disaster for our children and our families.

Every woman, and every young woman who has visions of a glorious wedding and a healthy, happy household in her mind, needs to read this book to have God's desires for wifehood and motherhood clearly in our minds.

"God...has brought this book into your life for this particular season. He is calling you to make the hard yet necessary decision to face these chapters and the themes they present with a strong dose of courage, a prodigious amount of willingness to look inward, not outward, and a steady confidence in His Spirit to empower you to follow through on these resolves, regardless of how little your spouse or others may seem compelled to follow your example." (page 4)

I found the author's voice engaging and her stories and anecdotes poignant and vivid. Her focus being on the building up and encouraging of readers to view themselves and their roles as mothers and wives in a different light--in God's light--and strives to help us "stand as a living, walking, eating, breathing example of what God's grace can do with a woman He has set apart...."

I would have liked to have seen more Scriptural parallels and analogies to drive home the message of the Bible on these particular areas. The teaching is definitely there, but it would have been good to have more Scriptural back-up. I know she was trying to keep the lessons short, which was good, but I felt it would have helped tremendously with her overall message, if she took a passage (eg: 1 Peter 2:9-10 on page 53) and explored it in relation to the message of the chapter.

It's a completely eye-opening experience to look at value, self-worth, motherhood, wifehood...all the roles that God has called us to from His perspective rather than the one society claims is right.

Concepts like submission turn into issues of love and respect, rather than abuse and domination. There is no room for abuse and domination in God's version of family and marriage, and yet many in our culture, including many Christians still hold to this definition. God's message isn't based on domination and subjugation, but on love and grace. Many Christian denominations and world religions have taught for centuries that women are second-rate citizens not worthy of anything and use Scripture to back that up--when in fact Christ sets a completely different standard.

I believe both husbands and wives should read both books (The Resolution for Men and the Resolution for Women) so that they can be firmly grounded in God's purpose for that role in their lives, and so that they can keep each other accountable. The future of our marriage and our families depend on husbands and wives who are devoted to God and to each other, and to their God-given roles and purpose.

View all my reviews

An absolute MUST READ!!!

2012-01-06T15:23:00.002-05:00

The Resolution for Men by Stephen Kendrick

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is an absolute MUST READ for any Christian father, father-to-be, husband or husband-to-be -- and for every mother, mother-to-be, wife and wife-to-be. Very rarely do I get this excited about a book - and I have many on my bookshelf!

As families continue to crumble and fall and ex-life partners struggle to figure out why, it is imperative that the Church reinforce the roles of husband and wife that are very clearly laid out in the Bible and that husbands and wives take up the challenge of those roles instead of trying to define and live out their own as based on what society deems right and popular.

I would very strongly recommend that both husbands and wives read both the Resolution for Men and the Resolution for Women so that each can hold the other partner accountable for actions, inactions and ways of thinking that are not in keeping with God's ways and teachings.

Our families and children need strong fathers more than ever. Fathers/husbands that know the difference between loving and respecting and cherishing and being dominating and abusive and manipulative. Fathers, contrary to popular opinion, are integral to raising healthy, well-rounded kids, and to keeping a marriage together. When fathers negate their God-ordained role or abuse that role for purposes that God never intended, then families suffer. "A man cannot be passive about what Scripture tells him to do for his family and expect to be found faithful to God in the end." (page 3)

This is a lesson that every man, and every young man who has visions of being a husband and father in his life needs to read.

View all my reviews

Still Worth the Read

2012-01-06T15:21:00.000-05:00

Courageous Living: Dare to Take a Stand by Michael Catt

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I was very much looking forward to reading this book. After the whoopla about Courageous the movie, I was really hoping for a strong "accompanying" book that would help me (and the target audience) dig deeper into the renewed drive for men to step up in their families and retake the family leadership role that feminism has taken from them.

Let me preface my next thoughts by saying that I come at this review not only as a reader, but as a professional editor. My day-to-day work involves analyzing, correcting, reorganizing to get the message out of the writing most effectively.

I had a hard time turning off my editorial hat for this one. My comments have nothing to do with the message of this book, more the literary presentation of it. Others have given it a 5-star rating, so obviously they enjoyed it.

Despite the chapter headings, my main criticism about this book is it seemed disorganized, disjointed and jumped from one paragraph to the next. There was very little flow to this book. It gave me the sense that it was written under pressure and not really out of inspiration. Like the writer was struggling to come up with a message for a third book. I guess I expected the book to be more teaching oriented than it was, reinforcing the concepts from the movie and challenging men to take up the challenge if they hadn't seen the movie.

What I found is he seems to jump from one adage or anecdote to another and from Bible analogy to life application with no connecting language. I don't believe you have to play connect the dots with readers, but there is a way of drawing figurative lines that are obvious without being direct, and they're very effective at connecting with the reader. There were many Scripture passages or stories that could have been delved into to drive home his point, which, branched together with smoother transitions I think would have had a deeper impact.

I had a few issues with the expression of his political and doctrinal view points and name calling (bigots, racists, cowards), which could turn off many readers. There is a way to challenge people with certain viewpoints (bigots, racists) tactfully, but I found several areas of this book where the tone was outwardly offensive, as opposed to challenging; guilt-tripping and condemning instead of encouraging and compelling. God deals with everyone through grace; I didn't see any of that in this book. There is room for bluntness and telling it like it is, but to be effective it needs to be tempered with compassion and grace and backed up by Scripture. This book needed a whole lot more of this than it came with.

By the time I reached chapter 4, I was reading simply because I believed in the message and I wanted to see what other things he had to say. Chapter 4 was better, smoother. Perhaps it was the curse of the first three chapters - trying to get something written (early chapters are often rougher) and by the time you reach Chapter 4 or so, you've finally smoothed out your voice, your message, etc.

The entire intended message of this book, and the Courageous movement can be summed up in this statement from page 93: "Men are more committed to hunting, fishing, and sports than to Christ. They would never think of turning down tickets to a ball game or an invitation to a hunting trip, but they'll roll over and turn the alarm off if it's raining on Sunday morning. I don't care how old you are, you aren't a man until you take responsibility and live in accountability...If you spent as much time on your hobbies as you do on your walk with God, how good would you be at your hobbies? If you spent as much time on your walk with God as you do on your hobbies, what kind of man would you be?"

So many men today are plagued by "I'm good enough. I don't need to learn anything new. I'm good just the way I am." Women grab up Christian living books and desire to know how to become Proverbs 31 women and better wives and mothers, while trying to get a husband or father to read "How to Become a Godly Father/Husband" books is like pulling teeth. Where are the men who are courageous enough to want to learn what the Bible says about husbands and fathers, and to examine their lives and see where they need to make some changes, and then actually strive to make those challenges and hold themselves accountable to God's placement of them in their families.

This is the whole crux of the Courageous message and, like the author, I believe it is desperately needed. Men have been undervalued for so long that fathers have become unnecessary and expendable. But our families need strong, courageous men to take back the leadership role that God intended for them to have. Leadership that is respectful and understanding and involved, not domineering, abusive and disconnected.

Don't let my review of this book stop you on that journey. Perhaps you'll find something in it that will inspire and teach you.

View all my reviews

Jiminy Crickets!!!!

2011-08-25T11:59:00.000-04:00

This is not a cricket. It's a praying mantis. I'll get to the crickets in just a second...but this mantis is the reason for the crickets.

At the end of the school year, my teenage son came home with two "mantids" - baby mantises...they're really extremely cute, even for a bug.

Mantises are fascinating creatures, I learned several years ago from my now-ex who on a couple of occasions brought home an oothaca(sp?), which is an egg sack, about an inch in diameter, full of baby mantises, and we proceeded feed and raise them.

They are a natural pest control bug, eating pretty much anything in your garden or farm, and they are actually a protected species because they are of such great value to farmers.

When they're first born, they're really extremely tiny, about the same size as a mosquito. Normally, you're supposed to feed them "flightless fruitflies" but as those proved to be extremely hard to procure, I started feeding them mosquitos, and our two little mantids thrived and quickly molted several times. With each molt, which poses a death risk to mantises each time, the mantids get bigger and in later molts, they actually develop wings. For a bug, they're really quite beautiful, along the lines of gypsy moths, beautiful. And it's fascinating to watch them hunt.

Anyway...eventually, as you can imagine they get too big for mosquitos to satisfy them, so we graduated to dear flies, which only last five or six weeks. So what then. Crickets. Not the big black ones, smaller brownish coloured ones without exoskeletons. These you can get in most any pet store because they're nourishment for a number of other critters.

Well, the other day I had just picked up a whole bunch of these things of varying sizes and put them in an aerated box with clever little "tube holes" that supposedly made it easy for me to get the crickets out and feed them to the mantises. Yes, in the car. (Can you see where this is going?)

Unfortunately, it didn't occur to me to leave the tubes (which had caps on the end to keep the crickets from getting loose) in the tube holes. When I arrived home, I discovered that only about 10 of the 30 crickets I had bought were still in the box!! So 15-20 crickets were hopping around my car...and they are fast and hard to catch. Once they're loose you have very little chance of catching them because they like to find little corners or crannies where you can't reach. By the time you notice them and get to the place where they are to try to catch them, they're gone!

*sigh*

Oh, well. Now I've got the little cricket box figured out, but that doesn't mean they don't get away. I've lost a couple...

All for the sake of my son's summer science fair. *head shake*

Now, I'm faced with the dilemma of what to do with them for the winter. Since mantises are cold blooded, I can certainly keep them alive in the house, but they haven't gotten their wings yet (although they're pretty fine jumpers) and I'm reluctant to release them so close to the fall and without their wings. I had hoped by now to be able to release them, but the weather has grown chillier a little sooner than I anticipated and that seems to be affecting their activity level.

Guess we'll see!!!

Transitions

2011-05-28T21:29:00.000-04:00

Wow! I know, three articles in one day!

I think every mother/parent is familiar with the dilemma of managing time...I have a rather substantial stack of dishes and an icky floor and mountains of clean laundry and probably just as much dirty laundry (thanks to son #1) sitting behind me at the moment. Don't know that I'll ever have this particular dilemma actually solved.

But every writer at heart struggles with the balance of family life, working to get paid, and following what her heart is telling her that she needs to do. I've always known that I would be a writer, but I knew that what I wanted to write wouldn't be enough to live on...at least in the beginning...so I capitalized on some of my other skills -- editing, typing and organization -- to pay the bills.

Fifteen years of secretarial work finally morphed into an opportunity to work from home doing what I loved -- working with words. I wouldn't have changed my decision for the world (you couldn't pay me enough to get me into an office job), but it doesn't mean it was without its struggles.

It meant putting me -- someone who is somewhat obsessive over schedules and incomes -- doing a job that is predictable in every aspect. One day is never the same as the next and every month brings with it the uncertainty of whether or not I will actually have work, and whether or not payments will come in precisely when I need them to. There was also the challenge of where would the work come from.

I cannot go any further without completely acknowledging how much this is a faith lesson. For any other obsessive compulsive type person letting go of control over such a major aspect of life would probably have resulted in anaphylactic shock or something. But, surprisingly, I was completely at peace with this...and still am. The work I've needed has always come to me and the Lord has never failed to provide...which leads me to the next transition.

I feel I have reached the point where I can finally trim some of the work I advertise and focus on those few regular clients and finally, finally, finally, get writing for myself. I've started taking more weekends off and enjoying the time with my kids and relaxing. I've already adjusted my website to reflect my new priorities...and even though the changes seem rather drastic, they were logical and I have no regrets at all.

There are a lot of things lining up for the second half of 2011 and I won't spoil them by posting on them now...but let's just say this whole change of perspective is part of the plan. I'm tired of watching the year swoosh by and I still have no books finished, my music is still sitting there unpublished and unformatted and unrecorded, and I don't seem to have any better grasp on life and home than I did in the beginning. I'm usually one of those "grab the bull by the horns" type people. I'm tired of playing the "someday I'll" game.

Of course, one can't always just do whatever they want. Sometimes these things are a journey in and of themselves. There has to be a certainty that these choices are the right ones to make at that time...and I have that feeling.

The toughest part of this is regaining the work discipline I once had, which has been challenged because the boundary between home and work is so much more flexible. But then, that's one of the advantages to being my own boss--I get to pick my own hours, right?

Setting a schedule is much easier when someone else is giving you work that has to be completed by a certain point in time. It is much more difficult--I find, anyway--to keep that tight schedule when it's just me...regardless of self-imposed deadlines and daily target word counts.

But it's a drive I just can't squelch anymore. I have to do this to silence the hundreds of literary voices in my head and particularly the one that keeps reminding me of how many ideas I have sitting in my notebook waiting for me to flesh out. Well, the waiting is over. I can't take it anymore! It's time to let the voices out and get the pen and keyboard to work.

Will try to keep you updated!

Still Single? Mr. Right is Out There, I Know it!

2011-05-28T07:39:00.000-04:00

Not that I expect this post to drop Mr. Right into my lap...or...well...in front of me.

Some would say that nothing will really happen until my divorce is final...and I'm quite okay with actually waiting to do anything romance related until then, but I would just love to meet a guy and know the attraction is mutual and know that there will be someone waiting for me on the other side of this.

I'm trying to be patient, but I've never been patient when it comes to finding romance...which was probably how I ended up in my married/divorced situation in the first place. You think a girl'd learn! *hand smack on forehead*

After a 14-year loveless marriage, I kind of think I've waited long enough, but I guess the Lord has other plans. I'm on a couple of online dating sites...seems like that's where everybody goes now...and surprisingly this "great find" hasn't had much of a nibble...except from those who want to extort money out of a single mother of two or those who, after reading their profile, it's not great wonder why they're single.

Despite all this...I know he's out there. Somewhere.

Soccer Season Begins

2011-05-28T07:33:00.000-04:00

Woohoo! Soccer season is here...rain or shine. Unfortunately this year it will be in the rain.

Today, along with the Dandelion Festival and Grand Opening of Kemptville's new library (which we will definitely be seeing later), my toddler starts his first of what I hope will be many soccer seasons. Not that they'll get much "real" soccer played. I kind of picture a swarm of children chasing a ball not really caring which goal they're headed towards. No throw ins or official goalie keeping...just a bunch of fun! Unfortunately, all this will happen before I'm really awake.

(On top of toilet training, I would really like to train my toddler to a) not wake me up before 6AM on a Saturday, and b) to not dig into the fridge or invade my desk while I'm trying to coax myself awake. Why can't he just play with his Buzz Lightyear or Lego or cars or something. *sigh*)

Anyway, I digress. Back to soccer...

My soccer season (women's house league) starts on Monday, apparently without the rain, but the fields will be good and soggy. Yay...soggy socks and cleats. :-( But I'm glad to say I have my prescription sunglasses. I had a pair for two years and then lost them. (Grrr.) And really can't play with the current glasses I wear, so they were a must get. Wish I could find my goalie jersey though. Found my cleats (yay...only because of my decision to pack summer shoes in a grocery bag instead of a box that I knew would get lost), and have a new pair of goalie gloves and knee pads.

I'm ready!

What summer activities do you or your kids participate in?

Battle of the Webs

2011-05-06T14:23:00.000-04:00

No, not the innerwebs...well, perhaps, it is the innerwebs...the webs inside my house.

I love spring. I love summer. The sun is beautiful. It rains a little bit too much for my liking, but the flowers need it, right? I have to exchange my comfy cozy sweaters for tee-shirts, and my boots for barefeet. I have the enormous privilege to watch the seasons change along the water of a branch of the Rideau River.

But the start of spring also brings with it bugs! Spiders in particular. Black flies like to converge around my head. Okay. The mosquito hunt will soon begin. Wasps and hornets will terrify the beejeebers out of me. And in all honesty I can handle most spiders, but the new house we moved into in November seems to have come with these big ugly brown spiders in almost every corner.

I seem to have successfully escorted most of them outside, but why of all the 8-legged creatures did my house come with these ones. Ewwww!

Hey...Anyone still out there

2011-01-29T13:47:00.000-05:00

Lots shaping up for February which will make up nicely for a rather lean December and January, which was both a good and bad thing. Good in that it allowed me time to relax and keep stress free, and bad in that if there was any stress is was over how I was going to pay for things.

But the Lord has proved faithful in ways I couldn't have imagined and in ways that are truly miraculous because from a human perspective things seemed impossible.

I can't stay long...my toddler is just up from his nap...but just wanted to chime in. I will post an update on the past year in the next little bit. In the meantime, please feel free to chime in with your updates.

Welcome to 2011

2011-01-01T20:54:00.001-05:00

Hey, everyone!

So sorry for the hiatus. Will be updating soon.

But I wanted to thank you all for remaining "followers" even though there hasn't been much to follow, and to wish you all a Happy New Year.

Darlene

Sleepless Nights by: K.R. Pinkston

2010-03-24T16:07:00.001-04:00

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

“You know, maybe we should start a sort of sleepless military mothers club,” Laurie said. Michelle and I laughed, even though there is nothing funny about waking up every night and not being able to go back to sleep.

The conversation among the three of us turned more serious as we discovered that each of us had different reasons for being up at night. Laurie explained that she got into the habit of checking her email in the middle of the night, just to make sure she did not have an urgent message from her deployed husband. Michelle, on the other hand, said that her toddler still wakes her up during the night. Once she is awake she cannot go back to sleep because she is thinking about their upcoming move to another duty station and all the things that need to be done.

My problem is that nobody seems to sleep through the night at our home – at least not on a regular basis. One night it is my husband’s phone ringing at two in the morning, another night it is our kitty meowing because he is lonely. If it is not our son turning on lights because of a nightmare, we can hear the neighbors’ kids crying. Then there are horses right behind our backyard making a racket, or it is people who are using part of the horse stables as an all-night party hub.

Just like Michelle, once I am awake I am unable to go back to sleep. My mind starts to race until it is time to get up. But is that all? After some soul-searching I uncovered the real culprit that is robbing my night’s sleep: it is fear. It is not a life-threatening fear, one that makes you turn around and run in the opposite direction, but it is a surreptitious fear, one that penetrates your mind like a thief coming under the cover of darkness. This fear is multifaceted and takes on different shapes depending on what is going on in my daily life.

At the top of my fear list is homeschooling. As a newcomer to homeschooling I am still very sensitive to people’s negative remarks about teaching a child at home. Since we are stationed in Germany – a country where homeschooling is illegal – we are staying in the house until local schools are out at noon to avoid questions and comments from well-meaning locals. Still, my friend’s concern whether I am really doing my child a favor by teaching him myself struck a sensitive chord.

After that, my list of fear includes worries about my elderly parents and their poor health as well as my friend who is battling breast cancer. Also, our two cats are old and suffer from chronic renal failure. Of course, fear does not stop there. Deployment of my friends’ and my husband is ever present in our lives and brings with it another set of anxieties.

Oddly enough, it is during those nights when I cannot sleep that I pray the most. When the world seems to close in to overwhelm my thoughts with failure and fear, the knowledge that God walks our paths with each and every one of us is very comforting. Even though our lives are surrounded by uncertainty He is there to guide us.

Lately I have tried to push away my worries with focusing on the love that God lets me experience every day. This exercise of the mind is hard in the middle of the night. Every time I fall into the hole of fear, I climb up by cherishing the time I can teach our child, by remembering the laughter and joy I have with my parents and friends, and by knowing that His love surrounds us.

Perhaps this exercise will never get me to sleep through the night. Still, I feel more peaceful during the day, knowing that I did not waste those sleepless hours by chewing over problems. Who knows? Maybe this is His way of getting me to pray.

A New Perspective - By: Katja Pinkston

2010-02-08T05:51:00.001-05:00

"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed" (Romans 5: 3-5a).

I stand at the mouth of a cave. Its shape, its contents, its dangers and joys are hidden in darkness. Part of me does not want to go that way. It is easier to tread the familiar path than to venture out on your own. I feel doubtful, anxious and nervous; but, somewhere inside I also feel exhilarated and determined: we are going to make homeschooling work.

Nearly three months after school began, we pulled our son out of school and started homeschooling him.

I have never felt so uncertain of the road ahead. At night I laid awake second guessing if I should homeschool. What curriculum should I choose? What if our son doesn’t learn what he needs to learn? What if he becomes a social klutz? Do I really have what it takes to homeschool? I prayed and prayed for the right answers, when I knew them all along. My first lesson as a homeschooling mother has been to learn to let go. I must stop worrying. I must have confidence. I must trust in God.

Searching the internet, I quickly became overwhelmed by all the choices in study materials. Even as I faced these difficult decisions, He led me to the right people to help. I discovered that we live near several homeschooling mothers at our overseas duty station and they guided me through curricula and lesson plans. After talking with these experienced homeschooling mothers and getting some tips from them, my confidence increased. Still, I knew it was not going to be easy.

On the first day of homeschooling I got up half an hour earlier to meditate followed by a delicious breakfast. By eight o’clock our homeschooling adventure started with a smile, we finished at lunch and baked cookies in the afternoon. Not bad, I thought, until the second day of homeschooling arrived. On my way to help him with his first lesson in math, I bumped against the door and let go of my coffee mug that I had just filled to the brim with steaming coffee. The mug shattered on the tiles and bathed my kitchen in a mixture of cappuccino spots and ceramic pieces.

Normally an accident like that in the morning would not have mattered too much, especially when he was still going to school. I would have nurtured my burned hand in a tub of ice water, cleaned the kitchen after the pain became bearable, tossed the shattered pieces into the trash and put on a clean pair of jeans. Now, however, a homeschooler waited for my help in the living room.

“Mom! Are you coming?” He called out again. “I don’t understand what to do. Are you coming?”

Clearly he had heard the commotion in the kitchen. “Just wait. Will you!” I yelled and grabbed the paper towels to stop the puddle of coffee running under the refrigerator. I don’t remember exactly how I managed to cut my heel in my frantic attempt to soak up the worst of the spill. This mess could not get any worse.

I hobbled upstairs to get a big band aid and change clothes. My hand burned and my heel throbbed, but nothing was worse than the feeling of inadequacy. I knew I needed to forget the pain and start teaching instead of feeling frustrated and humiliated. All I could do is pray to God to give me the strength to make it through the day.

At night I reflected on the tribulations of that second day of homeschooling. We did not get through all the lessons I had wanted to cover, nor did we have as much fun together as we did on the first day. I did not know it then, but the stark contrast between these two days would repeat itself. We have some productive days where everything falls into place; however, we also have some days where everything ends up being an ordeal.

After the third week we both started getting used to the new routine. Keeping a routine has given me strength to see the light at the end of each day and rejoice in the opportunity to teach our child.

Acts of Mercy

2010-02-01T06:01:00.002-05:00

Today's girlfriend devotional is about Mercy. It's one of those "churchisms" that is often very difficult to understand, even for someone who has grown up in the church - certain concepts still remain a mystery.

This devotional explains things very clearly.

I can't help but think, though, about the sacrifice of the mother in the story. That her heart must have been filled with despair to know that if her baby stayed with her, she should surely die. The only way her precious baby girl would live was if she gave her to a perfect stranger to take her another country knowing she would likely never see her baby again. My heart aches for that mother and hopes that someday she will see the fruits of that sacrifice. That she will know that her sacrifice did indeed save her baby's life.

What a great lesson in selfless sacrifice from that mother, and what a great demonstration of mercy on the part of an American visitor to her country.

What's your Identity?

2010-01-29T05:59:00.003-05:00

What an incredible message from Sharon Jaynes in our Girlfriend Devotional, today! It speaks to me on so many levels and know it will to many women.

No matter what your background and what you have on your agenda for today remember that you are a child of a King.

The Price of Dreams

2010-01-29T05:37:00.002-05:00

Marybeth Whalen from Proverbs31 Ministries posted this blog this morning about her struggles with balancing a writing schedule, momhood and her husband being out of work.

Marybeth has always been very open and honest on her blog, and this is no exception. I find her post very apropos because I, too, am a writer. I am following my dream of working from home as a writer and editor and, yes, it does come with a price - multiplying dust bunnies, paperwork that never seems to get filed, mounds of dishes that never seem to go away.

No, it's not what I envisioned when I decided to work from home and I'm working on my scheduling so I can actually get some of these things done, too.

Anyway...pop on over to Marybeth's blog by clicking on the title above and see what she has learned through her experience.

Christmas as it is

2009-12-24T05:36:00.002-05:00

We have a great girlfriend devotional today. Please take a few moments to check it out.

While I'm stopped for a few minutes, I would like to thank all of you who follow my blog for following. I know I haven't posted much...at least not as much as I would like. Life got busy - both personally and professionally.

Since October or so, I have come in contact with a couple of people who vehemently opposed associating Santa Claus with Christmas. One family comes from Switzerland where the entire tradition of Saint Nicholas originated (in Germany actually) and so they follow a different tradition. But something just kept hitting me whenever I talked to these couple of families. They were talking about the commercialism and how the gift giving tradition really has nothing to do with Jesus' birth. As with many traditions I have found out, we have applied Christian principles to things like the candy cane and the gift giving that originally had nothing to do with the Christmas story or the reason the tradition started in the first place.

I have also struggled with the Christmas spirit for the last couple of years. The music is my favourite part of Christmas, but I also have a very giving spirit. I love participating in Operation Christmas Child. Every year our church sponsors a family for Christmas, so I enjoy picking up a couple of things and helping out in other practical ways.

I had always done Operation Christmas Child up until two years ago. We had just bought a new house and really did not have the money. So out of necessity, I didn't do a box and I felt bad and guilty for not doing one. The same thing happened the next year. Understand that no one placed this guilt or sadness on me but me.

This year, my decision was by choice. We still didn't have very much money, but I had grown a lot with the Lord over the past year and started to see Christmas much differently. I know my enjoyment of Christmas shouldn't be dictated by what I can and can't give. All God asks is that I do what I can. I had learned where to find joy in the Christmas season where I had struggled to find it before. I realized the joy to me wasn't in receiving gifts, it was in giving. So I turned the focus from me, to those I would give to and the love of those who would give to me.

All this is leading up to a revelation for me - I wouldn't change Christmas for anything. No, Santa Claus really has absolutely nothing to do with the coming of Christ...but it's one heck of a blast! And I wouldn't change it for anything. Christmas has always been the highlight of my year. As I grew older and more mature as a Christian, it took on a different meaning. But I believe in a world that doesn't believe in hope and happiness and seems warmongering and chaotic for most of the year, Christmas - no matter how you celebrate it - is a time to slow down and enjoy one's family and, yes, have a little fun.

We can do Christmas with the presents, I believe, so long as we recognize that they really have nothing to do with Christ's birth. It's so easy to become greedy. I want this. I want that. I'm constantly amazed at what commercials tell us that we need. New Blackberries and flat screen TVs that we put on credit and new car also bought on credit. Let's keep it fun. No one really needs these things. But it's so easy to get caught up in it.

I have found since I've changed my focus off me and on to giving to my husband and children and family, the greed just hasn't been there.

But while I would encourage people reading this to perhaps change their focus on the present issue - I wouldn't eliminate it. When I think of those families I know that don't do Santa Claus at Christmas - I know it would leave a huge hole of enjoyment and fun out of my life and I wonder if they ever wonder what they're missing. The thought occurred to me that perhaps this is what the Bible talks about when it says to be "in the world but not of it". Because of that, I believe everything we do as Christians needs to have a different perspective.

I know I have found a different perspective this year and I'm so grateful for it. For the first Christmas in years, I have reconnected with the joy of Christmas - in a new way. It comes with being content with what I have, working hard to provide for my family and recognizing those things during this season that bring me the most joy. I know now that my "human" heart has been satisfied, that I can focus my heart on worshipping the baby Jesus. I'm now free and not bound by guilt or jealousy or greed.

Perhaps it's because I have a baby of my own that I can really identify with the baby Jesus and the joy he brought to Mary. We sang a song in our Christmas play this year called "Come to Deliver Me" and it talks about all the baby attributes of Jesus - "Your tiny hands set the stars in the heavens, your cry brought day from the night. Your tender eyes saw the dawn of creation. Your fragile breath gave me life." We sing another song that has the phrase "the Father's love wrapped in a baby". I know this last one the song is talking about Jesus, but I truly see God's love wrapped in a baby every moment I look at Brent. And because I have Brent in my arms now I can really identify with the miracle of Jesus coming to earth as a baby.

Anyway...this has been something on my heart for a while and I promised myself that I would post it in time for Christmas. I hope it will help you find a new perspective on Christmas and all that we do.

Merry Christmas!

Life without Limb

2009-12-02T05:51:00.003-05:00

Nick Vujicic... Perhaps you know that name. If you don't, look over at the Girlfriend Devotional for today and you will read part of his story. What an amazing story!

So amazing, I went and looked him up on youtube and found a video of one of his talks. A must read and a must watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo_24_qTNac
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bL3GR4iAW0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3O6OluBxGtM

I'm amazed at some of the comments though.

Anyway...next time you think you have it tough, remember Nick.

The Just-Right Present (Husband)

2009-12-01T05:36:00.002-05:00

Today's girlfriend devotional has me wondering if someone has been reading over my shoulder as I write in my journal. Well, obviously someone has and that someone knew I needed to hear this message.

Perhaps some of you are at the same point in your marriage. Perhaps you've never really left that point of wondering if you married the right man.

Hopefully, this devotional will help you see things in a new light.

Body Image

2009-11-24T05:48:00.002-05:00

Great Girlfriend Devotional today from Proverbs 31 Ministries.

I struggle with body image issues, as well. Fifteen months after the birth of our baby angel, I still have a belly that makes me look 6 months pregnant. The weight loss that I had hoped would happen during this past summer's soccer season never happened because it was too cold (really! We thought we'd have sleet during our first game! - for those of you who don't know what sleet is, it is a mixture of rain and snow).

While I've put myself on a more healthful and balanced diet - also in a bid to control hypoglycemia - and I've noticed a change particularly in my love handles, I still have an issue with the belly in front. I don't mind having a little belly. I know I'm never going to be flat, but neither do I want to be the size I currently am! So, I'm looking into seaweed wraps and registering for soccer again next summer with the hope that it will be hotter!

But what a great reminder that God doesn't see us like that. What do we say to others when we receive compliments. Do we really believe that what they are complimenting us for is true? Or do we answer with our thoughts or mouths with "yeah right".

Hmmmm.

Being the Stillness

2009-11-16T05:41:00.002-05:00

This is the second devotional. This is written by an acquaintance of mine, Bonnie Grove. We are members of The Word Guild, a group of Canadian writers and editors who are Christian.

Bonnie's book Talking to the Dead is a She Reads (Proverbs 31 Ministries) selection.

Way to go, Bonnie!

Great devotional, too. We all need those moments to be still.

Touch the Hem of His Garment

2009-11-16T05:38:00.003-05:00

I had a difficult choice with the devotionals this morning, I will post the second one here in a moment, but I decided to add to our devotional list the above link (click on the title).

I love the story of the woman who touched the hem of Jesus garment. Her persistence, her faith, and Jesus reaction. I also love Sharon's conclusion, that we are all valued.

If you're feeling undervalued, today, let Jesus' words uplift your heart.

Video - Footprints In the Sand

2009-11-13T06:12:00.001-05:00

You've got to see this video. It is so powerful. (Tissue warning)

http://radrevolution.blogspot.com/2009/11/video-footprints-in-sand.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+LivingWithPurposeARadicalRevolution+%28Living+with+Purpose%3A+A+Radical+Revolution%29

My Prayer Life

2009-10-08T06:49:00.002-04:00

I love the challenge in today's Girlfriend Devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries, Lysa TerKeurst, particularly the quotes from Nancy Guthrie from an article she wrote in Today's Christian Woman.

Because I'm a writer by nature--always have been (couldn't tell, could you?)--I express my prayers through a prayer journal. It started out as a diary when I was in high school. I have notebooks and duotangs and journals filled with my hearts desires, requests and thank yous, and conversations with God. But it's only really in the last year or so that my prayer journal has become more than a diary. It still is. I still talk to God about the ordinary things that happen. But, it's more than just getting these issues off my chest and into the hands of God. I now know and consciously use the time to listen to Him, to spend the last few moments of my day in His presence. I use that time to not only minister to my worried, tired brain, but to my heart and spirit.

This has been compounded by my starting to read the Bible every night. I want to know what the Word says. I want to get to know God's heart better. To help with this, I keep another journal to help me keep track of what I've read, for one, and to help me remember what I've read for another. Surprisingly, I've never been very good for memorizing Scripture. I can remember the gist. I can recite many verses once someone else starts them. But I haven't been able to say Psalm 91:1 says....

I knew I needed something more direct to help me study Scripture and not just read it, and also to apply what I read to my life. So, in my little note book, I summarize the passage in my own words and then jot down how that passage can be applied to my life. I've learned that some passages leave me stumped in that regard. It's not always readily apparent how some verses apply. I'm currently reading through the Psalms. Most of the Psalms have praises or a combination of laments and praises. But I've found there are some Psalms with no praise, which in my mind shows me that despite of the suffering of the Psalmist, the praise is the lesson that he has learned through the suffering. That's not always there. Perhaps the next time I read through the Psalms the meaning will become more clear.

I also jot down a verse or two (if there are any) that really strike me.

I have noticed in doing this that I am closer to God. I'm learning to be the "quiet, gentle" wife the Bible instructs me to be. I'm learning other things that can be applied to my life. I have learned what it is to finally understand that everything we have is from God. I'm still learning about truly loving Him. (I wrote about that a while ago.)

You may not be a writer, but I still believe a journal of some sort--whether it's for tracking your progress through the Bible and what you've learned from your readings, or whether it's to jot down answers to prayer--is important. I know I wouldn't want to rely on my memory for some things.

Anyway...I hope you take today's Girlfriend Devotional as a challenge to get beyond the asking God for stuff, and use the time to spend it in His presence. I've also learned that the more I spend time in God's presence, the more I want to spend time in His presence. I don't want to miss it.

Remember prayer and getting to know God and getting "something" out of church isn't about you. It's about God. When we give God the praise He's due and give him the glory for what has happened in our lives, whatever that may be, as long as you do those things with your whole heart with the desire to praise him in the midst of your circumstances, you will always get something out the service...a closer relationship with God.

Girlfriend Devotionals (Oct 7)

2009-10-07T07:13:00.002-04:00

Just to let you ladies know that I have chosen to put both the Proverbs 31 and Girlfriends in God devotional in the Girlfriend Devotional section today.

I love the challenge in the Girlfriends in God devotional for today. Check it out!

Mixed Emotions

2009-10-05T14:30:00.001-04:00

Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently by Marcus Buckingham

My rating: 3 of 5 stars
Very rarely am I caught off guard by a book. Before I received a message from Thomas Nelson, as one of their book review bloggers, that this book would be made available to those who were already reading something (usually it's one at a time) I had already decided that this wasn't a book I wanted to read. I had looked through the selections available and something about the title--perhaps it's the editor in me that doesn't like the combination of "strongest" and "life"...something about that irks me...don't really know why--just didn't appeal to me. The thought that this was also written by a man and I questioned how effectively he could really relate to what women are going through also made me look for something else. Then, when this offer came up to review it when I already had a book for review, I decided why not. Perhaps it would be helpful.

I had never heard of Marcus Buckingham.

I was looking forward to a spiritually uplifting book, that would affirm what God's will was for women (after all this was publisher that specializes in this sort of thing), that would point out even through the examples he gave of women who contacted Oprah after that one show, God can still use those situations; how he pointed out to those women and shared the gospel with them. How he used examples of women in the Bible and Scriptures to validate God's view of women and how He created us and how He views us.

The points in the opening chapter were really very interesting. I was intrigued by them and agreed with them -- that women are more stressed out now with all the choices. That "women's lib" for all it's whoopla really hasn't improved life that much for women. We're often too stressed out running from one thing to the other that we can't enjoy life anymore. It's been so ingrained in us that we have to work to be happy...when that's not necessarily true for everyone.

But as I read through the introduction and the first couple of chapters it occurred to me there was no mention about the Christian experience. What advantages Christian women have over non-Christian women. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through all that I am without having a relationship in Christ. That's what I expected to see.

Perhaps it was because this book was written by a man and from a man's perspective. It's impossible to completely get into a woman's psyche from a male vantage point. Women are very much emotional creatures and I found this book too analytical and not emotional enough. The only time I found my emotions engaged was reading the quotes from those women who contacted Oprah.

This is not a book I would highly recommend, though I can't say I wouldn't recommend it at all. As demonstrated by the number of higher reviews, there were some people who liked it. But it is not a book will be recommending for our church library. As a spiritual resource for busy moms and women, it was highly disappointing.

View all my reviews >>

Me Time?

2009-10-05T06:57:00.004-04:00

I had to laugh at Monday's Baby Blues comic from Monday. The fact that I started this post then saved it, intending to go back and write it later...and later ended up being two days later...shows that there isn't a whole lot of "me" time.

For me, "me" time comes in the form of devotions in the morning, devotions, Scripture reading, and prayer journaling in the evening, and our women's Bible study on Tuesday morning.

I added these comics--Baby Blues and Family Circus--to my morning routine as something fun. But, I don't really have "me" time where I'm doing something just for me.

I don't take myself out for coffee, either alone or with a friend. I very rarely read for pleasure--most of what I read is for book reviews. Well, I suppose I could consider my reading the Bible for "me," for pleasure...but the purpose of reading that is to become more familiar with His Word. Technically, I consider that study, not leisure.

There are the very rare occasions when my husband takes our sons to see their grandmother and great-grandmother and I opt to stay home because I have things to work on, and I will watch a "chic flick" with my supper.

I can so identify with the mom in this comic. "Me" time is so rare that often just not having to worry about kids for a few minutes is "me" time.

I love watching movies. I have a new Anne of Green Gables DVD that my husband won for me off a radio program...which I haven't been able to watch, yet, because our normal movie watching routine in the evening with our supper usually only allows for 30-45 minutes of movie time, then it's back to work. (I don't like doing that with a new movie. Anne has always been a release for me to I want to be able to enjoy it.)

If I could classify what "me" time is, it would be a time where I can sit undisturbed and read a book of my choosing out of the 300 or so that sit on my bookshelf. That's what I long to do.

I suppose I would have to add that I would be able to work on my writing projects. I have several that are in various stages of completion that I haven't been able to finish because I've been trying to make a living.

Oh well. With the current upswing in business and a renewed focus on what projects I need to keep the roof over our heads...that "me" time is coming! I know it!

The Perfect Husband By K.R. Pinkston

2009-10-03T21:49:00.002-04:00

I am pretty sure I have a perfect husband. He plays with our son, helps him with homework, and drives him to after-school activities. He vacuums the carpets, cleans out the cat pans, dusts the furniture and folds the laundry. He grows vegetables, waters the plants, mows the lawn and washes the car. In a pinch he will even cook dinner.

Ok, I admit I am exaggerating. In reality my husband leaves the house at the crack of dawn to go jogging, and he comes home after we have already eaten dinner. I get a quick hug between him answering emails and eating leftover dinner. At times I am not even sure if he came home at all. Then I search for traces around the house that suggest that I am indeed still married to a soldier and that this soldier visits our home during the dark hours.

In the mornings I hunt for dirty coffee mugs. They show up on top of the washing machine, at the computer, next to the phone or – my favorite – on the bathroom floor, where I fall over them in the middle of the night.

Of course, there are other signs that I had a visitor during the night. The bathroom mirror is splattered with shaving cream, wet towels are piled up on the floor, and the toilet seats are up. As I go downstairs, stinky socks greet me at the entrance. The kitchen sink displays a stack of dirty dishes, the milk has been left out on the counter, and a note is plastered on the refrigerator door: need more coffee.

Perhaps my husband is not perfect after all. Neither am I. It is astonishing to me that my husband has put up with my own quirks for nearly 20 years.

I know that God loves every one of us, with all our faults and imperfections. I doubt that any of us are easy to live with most of the time, let alone every day. Finding a partner in life who is willing to look past our own transgressions on a daily basis requires love and a healthy serving of humor.

A few years ago, deployment and subsequent re-assignment forced our family to live apart for over 18 months. I did not bump into coffee cups in the morning or have to hunt for soiled socks around the house. My toilet seats stayed down.

Likewise, my husband had a break from my imperfections. No listening to moans about the load of household chores, or the long wait at the commissary and bank. He did not find dry clothes hugging the side of the washing machine, come home to the fourth macaroni-and-cheese dinner in a week, or find a pile of make-up and hairbrushes around the bathroom sink.

After we lived together again, our marriage went through a second honeymoon phase. We took care to overlook each other’s idiosyncrasies and mistakes. Life was good because we focused on sharing our love and being together. What did it matter if we ate the same dish twice a week? At least we have enough food every day. Mud-caked footprints on the carpet, overdue books on the stairs, ink stains on his shirts? Who cares? He was back, living with us and that was enough.

This phase did not last. All too soon the routine of everyday life claimed our gracious attitude. I notice his quirks, and I know he notices mine.

Last week I woke up to a racket at 4:30 in the morning. I staggered out of bed and crept quietly downstairs, preparing myself for a confrontation. Instead of a burglar, I found my husband unloading the dishwasher. Good grief! I just stood there with wide eyes, shaking my head and biting my lip before I stomped back to bed.

Later that morning he sent me an email. He apologized for waking me and wrote that he was just trying to help out around the house. As I sat there, reading his email I recalled the times when we first met and after he came back from deployment. In a way those honeymoon times have never gone away. They are still here if I shift my focus and allow them to be part of my daily life. It will mean being more grateful for our love and for the time we can spend together, rather than fuming over dirty socks or mugs.

Shifting my focus will make life easier and happier. I just need to remember that none of us is perfect. Now, I’d better go and scrub those boot marks of the floor.

Do One Thing

2009-10-01T07:11:00.002-04:00

What a great post!

I love Marybeth. She's so down-to-earth. She's also a burgeoning novel writer. I have been following her progress on the book since she mentioned that she was writing one.

Through this post I can feel her fear and trepidation, and know that myself - although I'm a little bit bolder. I have met and talked with Canada's Prime Minister Stephen Harper on a couple of occasions beyond what many people probably get. I have met Rick Mofina, a local suspense writer, at a book signing, and Mairuth Sarsfield (author of No Crystal Stair) at a garage sale.

I have "met" so many people over the Internet through networking that I would love to meet. Perhaps one day I will. But, I love her account of this and will be passing it on to my other writing groups today.

http://marybethwhalen.blogspot.com/2009/09/do-one-thing.html

I Want What She Has

2009-09-17T07:06:00.002-04:00

What a great devotional (see girlfriend devotionals) and post (visit her blog by clicking on the link at the bottom of the devotional) by Lysa TerKeurst.

A few months ago I finished reading "Behind the Mask...No More" by former Phantom star Byron Nease. His book was a reminder that no matter what mask even famous people wear in public, there are likely issues we wouldn't imagine or expect happening in the background.

As I writer, I think my envy comes in the form of seeing other authors having been published or even having finished a manuscript and declaring it ready for publication. My books are often pushed aside as I try to make a living freelancing. Providing for my family comes first.

Some may be envious of me because I work from home, but while I love it, there are the challenges of maintaining a household, keeping a husband happy and still spending 8-9 hours a day in front of a computer trying to find and complete jobs.

I read in a recent Family Circus cartoon: "The grass is always greener...but what about the weeds." Often the grass is greener and usually there are no weeds that we can see. But weeds are insidious. They can pop up at any time. They're always lying just below the surface. We may never know how much work it has taken them to get to the point where there are no visible weeds.

Will be examining myself to see where the weed of envy may be hiding.

Praying for our Children

2009-09-15T07:01:00.002-04:00

This is a great post by a friend of a friend. I've often felt a little guilty that I wasn't a spiritually focused with Chris as I am with Brent. Brent gets a prayer every night before bed (last night he sounded like he was saying it with me). With Chris, I didn't do a prayer. Although I know he believes now and try to reinforce a Christ-like reaction to the things that happen throughout the day, I know there are things he doesn't tell me.

I don't suppose it's ever too late to begin praying for or with your child(ren). What a great challenge.

Darlene

(Marybeth Whalen) I met Christy Baca on a retreat I led in TX. Christy ended up coming to She Speaks and was in my critique group. I asked Christy to contribute a guest post today that I think will speak to those of you who have kids in school. She has sent out several emails to her friends with specific scriptures she was praying for her children that week, encouraging us to pray scripture over our children as well. I recently asked her to write about her adventure in praying for her children as they are in school because her emails have helped me as we have transitioned to school with ours... and I thought that it might help some of you as well!

Christy:

Psalm 5:1-3
Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing.
Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

Praying for our children. It is essential in raising them to have a faith that is unwavering, and to have a foundation in that faith to stand the test of life. If you have kids in school then school becomes their life. School is their world.

I remember taking my oldest to Kindergarten 7 years ago. I walked her in, sat down at her colored table and got her settled into her new Kindergarten world. I left her there in the hands of her teacher and the administration of that building. Trusting that she was in good hands and that she would make good choices. As my younger daughter and I drove out of the parking lot that morning she said to me, "Well it looks like it's just you and me now huh mom?" With a HUGE smile on her face (quality time is one of her LOVE languages)

"Yes I guess it is Morgan," I replied...I had to hide the tears. Even writing this I cry as I recall that memory. Although it was just me and Morgan, physically, the Lord was with us and the Lord was with McKenzie. He was the only one I could call out to protect her and watch her when I couldn't.

Prayer is the source of comfort I find when I send my girls to school each year. I truly believe that out of the prayers that were prayed over McKenzie that year she came to know her Saviour; she was baptized the following spring on Easter Sunday. What a blessing and what a joy to see that kind of growth come in such a short time. Since her walk with Christ began she has been through some tests, but the Lord continues to be her turning place.

Morgan, our youngest, began Kindergarten three years after her sister. When I left her I drove away alone. It was me and my Lord. He was all I had. That was a defining moment for me as a mom and as a daughter of our Father. Prayer is all I had to be connected with my girls during the day. As the days went by and struggles became apparent I found myself looking to the Word for strength to give to them.

Each of our girls have experienced their own struggles as they are at school. Our oldest has struggled w/missing school due to health issues and still keep her head above water to maintain good grades; then in middle school she went through the typical mean girl stuff you hear and read about and has learned about grace and mercy and forgiveness. Our youngest has learned that the Lord is faithful even in changes that life brings us that we can't control. She was moved from her school last year to a new school. The first three weeks were extremely difficult for both of us. However, the Lord was faithful to show Himself to her. She was voted as Student Council representative of her class and immediately that became a place for her to find belonging. In the hard time of that transition I reminded her daily that even though I am not there and even though her best friends from her old school aren't there Jesus is there and He wants her to tell Him when she is sad or scared or lonely. This year she began her last year at her school with confidence.

The following are prayers that I pray for our girls as they are in school and then some that I pray when things come up:

The first 12 are taken from a bible study written by Denise Glenn - Freedom for Mothers
When I pray these I put their names in places that personalize the scripture:

That they will know Christ as Saviour early in life. (Psalm 63:2; 2 Timothy 3:15)

That they will have a hatred for sin. (Psalm 97:10)

That they will be caught when guilty (Psalm 119:71)

That they will be protected from the evil one in each area of their lives: spiritual, emotional, and physical (John 17:15)

That they will have a responsible attitude in all their interpersonal relationships (Daniel 6:3)

That they will respect authority over them. (Romans 13:1)

That they will desire the right kind of friends and be protected from the wrong friends. (Proverbs 1:10-11)

That they will be protected from the wrong mate and saved for the right one. (2 Corinthians 6:14-17)

That they as well as their future mate will be kept pure until marriage. (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

That they will learn to totally submit to God and actively resist satan in all circumstances. (James 4:7)

That they will be single-hearted, willing to be sold out to Jesus Christ. (Romans 12:1-2)

That they will be hedged in so they cannot find their way to wrong people or places and that wrong people cannot find their way to them. (Hosea 2:6)

I have also ALWAYS prayed Psalm 91 over our girls. It is a Psalm of protection.

Psalm 61:1-5 is one I prayed when I was in Romania in 2007 and is excellent for praying for our children when they are away from us.

Psalm 59:1-2 is one I prayed for McKenzie often last year as she went through MEAN GIRL junk. Psalm 56 goes in the MEAN GIRLS category as well.

I Peter 5:7 For anxious children or moms

Deutoronomy 33:29 when either of them are fearful of something

I have learned that it is effective to pray for them while they are away to give me comfort, but in order for them to hear and believe the words the Lord has given us as parents it is more effective to pray over them out loud. I have become more intentional to pray specific prayers for them and with them out loud.

The Lord has been faithful to us in so many ways and a lot of them are linked to our children and their struggles. Our job as parents is to be faithful to pray for and with them. The Lord wants to show us His power and what better way to show us than through His faithfulness in our prayers.

Marybeth: Thanks Christy for writing this great post! Was it helpful to you? I have been very convicted to pray for my kids throughout the day and these scriptures are a great guide for how I can do that!

A Tribute to 9-11

2009-09-11T07:02:00.002-04:00

As you go about your day, today, take a few moments to remember the terrible events of 9-11-2001. For some it's hard to believe that it's been eight years. For others, it still seems like yesterday.

Remember the mothers, fathers, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, grandparents, firefighters, police officers...that were lost and the mothers, fathers, children, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, grandparents, firefighters, police officers...that must carry on without their loved ones knowing that they were taken in such violent and nonsensical way.

Review of Fearless by Max Lucado

2009-09-08T07:46:00.002-04:00

Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear by Max Lucado

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This is the first "adult" book I've had the privilege of reading from Max Lucado. I bought his children's stories for our children. As I have read this book, I was astonished and blessed to see Lucado's gift of writing. He is truly one of those who is naturally a writer. Even though I know his work is edited, the original ideas I can tell are his and only someone with a true gift for writing can draw those kinds of thoughts together, and only someone who is completely in tune with God, can connect scriptural lessons to what we are experiencing today.

Fearless was written before the current economic crisis had fully fleshed itself out. How appropriate it is that Lucado responded to God's leading to write this book back then, when he couldn't possibly have known what state the world would be in when it was released.

Lucado takes a candid look at our circumstances - whatever it is that we're afraid of or could possibly be afraid of - and shows us through the lives of those whose stories are recorded in the Bible how to view fear and how to get through.

"God hasn't given you a spirit of timidity, but a spirit if of power..." (2 Timothy 1:7). Lucado reinforces that reality. God didn't create us to cower behind our circumstances. But in all things He will provide a way for us to stand up under our circumstances (1 Corinthians 10:13) so that through everything we will be fulfilling the purpose He has for our lives.

If you've ever been afraid of anything - even if it's your own shadow - you need to read this book. If you are afraid of what's going on in your life right now, you need to read this book, and be assured that whatever it is God will walk with you through it and that by walking through it you will come out of it in a deeper relationship with Him. And, if you've never had a relationship with Him, hopefully it will help you see how much He wants a relationship with you and how seeing things through God's perspective can put things in a different light - that makes things seem not quite as hopeless.

Fearless by Max Lucado is now available in online bookstores and brick and mortar bookstores. It is published by Thomas Nelson Publishers.

View all my reviews >>

Homeschool Or Not? By K.R. Pinkston

2009-09-03T08:15:00.002-04:00

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

I turned the calendar’s page and gaped at the capitalized black letters: AUGUST. I have been pushing the decision to the back of my brain, where it sat simmering all summer long. Now the season is here, and we have to decide whether or not to homeschool our beginning 5th grader.

When our family hiked up the grassy slopes of the Alps last month, I thought I knew the answer. How could we not take advantage of being stationed in Germany and show our son all these amazing places? With homeschooling we could easily adjust our schedule and take frequent day trips. No more wasting time every day going to school, waiting for classmates to settle or walking back and forth to different classrooms. We could be up starting with his lessons before eight in the morning and be done by lunchtime.

Of course, we could do it. After all I had homeschooled our son during 2nd grade. It made sense spending all the time he needed with reading comprehension and adjusting lessons to his personal abilities. I enjoyed teaching him at home. He did not.

“I don’t wanna be homeschooled,” he told us last week. “I wanna be with Mike and Rachel in school.”

I understand his argument. Being a military brat, he has to move every two or three years and leave his friends behind. It used to be easy for him to make friends. Ten minutes of playing with another child at the playground, and he had a new friend. That has changed as he has gotten older. After his friends moved last year, it took him many months to befriend Mike and Rachel.

I tried to reason with him. “You know, you can be with your friends in the afternoon. You don’t get that much time together in school anyway. Think of how much more time you’ll have playing outside.” His eyes rolled over. I knew he would not warm to the idea very quickly. “You could be done with your lessons by a Thursday, and then we can go on a trip to Berlin or Paris.”

“Oh.” His eyes lit up. “We can go to Disneyland in Paris. And we can go to Legoland every week. Yeah!”

I cringed. “Well, we’ll have more time to do some fun stuff, but we can’t be going to Legoland every week.”

Sighing, he turned to his Playmobil figures on the living room carpet. “I don’t wanna do homeschooling.”

I forced down my frustration and sat down beside him on the carpet. Maybe I should just make the decision and be done with it.

“You know, there’re lots of homeschooled kids in the neighborhood. You can play with them during break every day.”

“But Mike and Rachel are in school. And my other friends. I wanna be with them.”

“Yes, I know. They’re your friends.” I took a deep breath. “But we need to decide what is best for you. And homeschooling is an option. We can do it.”

I watched him toss his figures into the toy basket. “Ugh. I don’t know.” He got up and headed toward the front door. “Can I play outside?”

I sighed. “Yes, for half an hour.”

Still no decision. Where do we go from here? I read that arguments against homeschooling include the lack of social interaction for the child. Our son is outgoing, so I know that providing him with plenty of play dates and activities with other kids would be a daily effort. In addition, if my husband should deploy, we will need a break from each other every day. Still, I cannot ignore the benefits of teaching him at home, adjusting the lessons to his needs and traveling with him around Europe. Should we try homeschooling again and see how it works out? Should I even consider homeschooling, when he wants to go to school? Or, should we stick with school and give him some sense of stability and continuity?

I tossed and turned for several nights. Whatever we decide, it can take years until we see the fruits or flaws of that decision. After more days of thinking and talking with my husband and son, we agreed to let him continue with school. My arguments for homeschooling fell on deaf ears. He wants to go to school and be with his friends. We will see how that unfolds in the coming months.

Now the road of him going to school lies ahead of us. It is defined and concrete, paved with obstacles and surprises. We made our decision. Now is the season to look forward, to prepare, and to trust in the Lord.

I'm Tired of Fighting

2009-08-28T07:13:00.003-04:00

I don't know about you, but today's devotional really applied to me, yesterday - and, it seems, every Thursday.

As a freelance writer and editor, I spend the vast majority of time in front of my computer (I pretty much live here), and part of that time is trying to make sure I have enough projects to provide for my family. I try my best to line them up so I don't end up having to spend all my time on one project and sacrificing other work. But you know what they say about the best laid plans.

Yesterday's battle came because with one particular project. I had underestimated the time I needed to get it done so I ended up going over the deadline I'd set for it. When it was ready to be proofread I had planned to receive it on a certain day and to have another project finished by the time this one came in. That didn't happen so I didn't get started on it for another four days.

This four-day project was another example of how I underestimated how long it would take to finish a project. What was supposed to have taken a couple of hours, took four days. On the fifth day, I realized that the work I had done on the fourth day didn't save. So, I spend another day redoing what I had already done. Which set me another day behind.

My other client got really upset because he had this trip planned (which he didn't tell me about until then) and needed to take his project (finished) with him. That was fine. I told him I could still finish by that date and would work hard to meet it.

I have already made many sacrifices to make sure my work gets done. I tried to explain that to my client -- but I really have to learn to keep my mouth shut -- but my explanation wasn't taken as a "here's what I'm doing to get it done". I think my client took it as a list of excuses why I couldn't get it done.

Then my client commented that "perhaps if you had worked earlier...". I know my client was right, but what they didn't know was that there was a week where I felt like doing absolutely nothing. I still worked, but not as much as I would have normally. And, yes, I could have had a good chunk of the work done. I think that one particular week I just needed a break. But that came back to haunt me. So, I'm certainly not inclined or will be afraid of taking any sort of break in the future.

So, I was riddled with guilt over that, and riddled with guilt that I had taken time to get some basic things done. It has made me not want to take any time off at all - even for such simple things as eating and showering.

I don't believe that what I have on my plate is too much. It's just that things didn't go according to what I had planned despite my best efforts and ended up all landing on me at the same time.

This all culminated on a Thursday. Everything seems to culminate on Thursday. I like Mondays. I hate Thursdays. Doesn't matter what I do, Thursdays I'm always grumpier and things always go as wrong as possible.

So, I'm giving up fighting. I had already determined months ago that I would let the Lord have every minute of my day. I still do and will. I think it has only added to the disappointment of yesterday that I have been doing this and still my one client wasn't happy. Things still landed in a heap all at once.

I don't for a second believe that God has failed me in this. I know I have followed His leading every day and I have gotten the work done that He wants me to. Although I'm a little surprised at the last two weeks because that is not at all how I envisioned things working out. I have always struggled with time management and thought I was finally getting a handle on it.

Perhaps the lesson is now I realize how long these things take so I can plan better. Perhaps the lesson is to keep my mouth shut and not explain myself except to say "I'm working as hard and as fast as I can". Perhaps the lesson (as a couple of people have suggested) is to charge more so I don't have to take on as much - I'm still contemplating that one. Perhaps the lesson is I really don't have any control over my circumstances and there is only one who does. I have already learned this. Certainly yesterday reinforced that.

The only thing I can do is keep working. Once I'm focused on finishing something it gets done. Perhaps when this is all done I can take a big breath and calmly move on to the next thing. Perhaps when this is all done the schedule I had hoped for will be realized and I will appreciate the calmness instead of looking for more work to fill my time. Perhaps I will finally be able to settle down with a schedule that will not require my time virtually 24/7.

Part of my frustration is that in these times where I work so long and hard, my house reminds me of how neglected it is. My dog hasn't had a bath. Dishes don't get washed. Laundry doesn't get done. The baby spends his days in the playpen. The dustbunnies are fruitful and multiply. The warm summer days (what we had of them) are gone and I haven't spent anytime in my garden or outside with the dog or.... This isn't the happy medium I envisioned when I wanted to work from home. I knew it would take a while to establish a clientele and a balance and I'm still praying for that realization.

Anyway...must get back to it. Perhaps this is one break I shouldn't have taken, but when the Lord says, "click on that button" - I can't say, 'no'.

What are you fighting with?

2009-08-22T12:22:00.001-04:00

Rachel's Tears: 10th Anniversary Edition: The Spiritual Journey of Columbine Martyr Rachel Scott by Beth Nimmo

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
What an amazing young woman. I felt privileged to share in her young life and in her family's grief at her brutal murder - along with the murder of 12 other people on April 20, 1999 - and in their ongoing attempts to heal and to spread her message of faith and hope.

Her story - as she had hoped when she was alive - is inspiring and uplifting, and can make a difference in those that read this book.

We all our hope that our lives will make a difference. That when we pass from this world something about us will live on in the people that knew us and perhaps in people that we don't know we've touched.

Pick up this book and discover a young girl's spiritual life that challenges even those who have been Christians all their lives. And for those who don't know Christ, yet, can help show the difference He made in her life.

While I have never met Rachel (I know I will when I get to heaven), I have no doubt that she was as "real" a Christian as one could ever hope to meet. When I pass on, I can only hope people remember me as a person who "walked the talk", started a "chain reaction" and showed Jesus' love and compassion to others.

Thank you, Rachel. You have done more in your short life than many Christians have done in a lifetime!

View all my reviews >>

CD Givewaway

2009-08-19T07:27:00.002-04:00

Hey, ladies!

Click on the above link to find out how you can get in on this CD giveaway!

God's Provision

2009-08-18T07:57:00.001-04:00

You have to read today's girlfriend devotional!

It is so cool! I love it when God does things like that.

Timing

2009-08-17T07:05:00.004-04:00

I don't know about you but I can identify with the mom in today's Baby Blues comic (see Time to Laugh).

As a freelancer, there's always a delicate balance between work and time for myself and family. More often than not work wins out. Work as a freelancer is not guaranteed - at least not yet for me.

The last several months have been a lesson in listening to the Lord's voice and letting Him tell me (and following) what he has planned for my day. He has planned every minute of my day. He knows what is coming and leads towards those things, today. (My very step is planned.)

Some people would see this as oppressive and not being free. I say, it frees me from the worries of trying to figure out what comes next or what I should do now. There is less pressure I find when I follow the Lord's leading in this way and that I actually get more work done than I thought. I have seen this week where the Lord has actually slowed the progress of time - time didn't fly by quite as quickly - which motivated me to continue.

On my desk sits a to-do list, very much like the one in the comic. I've worked very hard over the last couple of days in particular to get through the to-do list. But I've always found that it doesn't matter how many check marks I have on to-do list, there's always going to be something that will not be finished and will remind me of that fact. The victory in accomplishing twenty things on my to-do list will vanish in the light of the one "failure".

Despite my best efforts I can't please everyone, but I will still follow the Lord's plan because I know that is the only way I will ever get anything done.

Bringing out the Best in Our Children

2009-08-14T07:12:00.001-04:00

What a great devotional, today!

I'm so guilty of this.

I'm reminded, too, of the verse that says, "Fathers don't exasperate your children."

Are we encouraging or badgering? I know I try to be encouraging with my 13-year-old because I know he stresses easily and his heart breaks easily.

But, I also know that he's smart and knows better - which is extremely frustrating.

I was saying to someone the other day how my 13-year-old requires more care than my baby because the things my 13-year-old is capable of doing himself, he doesn't do - or at least not right away - and I end up hounding him and reminding him to get it done, which can sometimes take a whole day, or end up doing it myself. If it's one of those things I don't have time to get to (helping him tidy his room, dishes) it becomes even more frustrating because it's usually left undone.

At least with my baby there are no expectations other than him learning to walk at this moment.

Anyway...

I thought this morning's devotional was very appropriate to me. What a great reminder!

Dar

One Year Ago....

2009-08-10T07:32:00.003-04:00

It was one year ago today that baby Brent was supposed to arrive. A year ago last night Kevin announced that we were naming the baby Brent.

I burst into tears.

My parents had come down hoping to be with us and help out when he was born--hoping he would be early. He wasn't. They were scheduled to leave on the 11th or 12th. I knew their time was drawing short. I was disappointed for them that they had gone to the trouble and expense of driving down and there was no baby.

Then Kevin, who had spent the vast majority of the past nine months not talking about which name he wanted, announced at the last minute that we were naming him Brent. I had spent the last six months bonding to him by a different name: Brenner.

Add that to the hormones and you get temper tantrum and a flood of tears. I'm not sure that's quite the response Kevin was expecting. Up until then I had felt like I had no control over any aspect of the pregnancy. I couldn't control the weight I gained, I didn't adjust to the larger belly very well and could never get comfortable in clothes, I spent most of the last three months with heartburn thanks to the pre-existing GERD, I had been tested extensively for blood sugar difficulties (nothing definitive, but I still had to watch what I ate--and know that I could end up with diabetes later). I had also just been not rehired at my job and at six months pregnant when that happened there was no chance of someone hiring me, getting me trained and then hiring a replacement as I went on maternity leave--so I started to work from home, with the trials that come from trying to find work in a world where I seemed "too expensive" for most buyers.

We had also just come through a miscarriage, the purchase of a home (along with a very eye opening experience with the realtor) the previous fall.

So, I felt the only thing I had influence on was a name. I came to realize I had no control over anything. Nothing was in my hands, not even the name of the child I had carried for nine months. Eventually my husband conceded on the middle names, so I was able to use both middle names I wanted, instead of just one. (Incidentally, Brent was my husband's middle name, so through my hormonal stupor I realized I couldn't really fault Kevin for wanting to name the baby after himself. This was the reason I eventually accepted the name.)

So, a year ago day, the day came and went with no baby. And a new name.

All you Need is Love?

2009-08-04T07:54:00.003-04:00

I don't know about you, but I have a hard time defining my love for God. Our Girlfriend Devotional for today from Living with a Purpose presents a great challenge. Not great in the sense of something "hard", but something that if realized can so deepen our relationship with God.

When I think of "feeling" love, I think of the love I feel for my husband, the love I feel for my children, the love I feel for my father and mother, which is different than the love I have for my brother. Each of these kinds of loves are different in their own way. One is as a sibling, another a daughter, another a wife, another a mother.

I have no problem singing about worshipping and honouring and dedicating my life to God and serving Him, but even though I know I couldn't live without Him--what would life be like without my hope in him--I have a hard time pinning down what my love for Him feels like.

I'm grateful for his provision and am amazed at his faithfulness to me, particularly in the last few weeks, but is that really love?

I often think I'm hindered in my Christian life because I've never faced addiction or abuse. I've never strayed from God. I've only ever striven to serve Him and have done so faithfully through music and teaching all my life. Others say that I can serve as an example to others who have gone through those experiences. Perhaps I can and am. But, I always find those who have gone through significant trials--trials more "drastic" than mine--seem to have something I don't have. Perhaps it's a reckless abandon to trust or a way of looking back at what they were and what they are now and seeing the transformation.

The transformation for me isn't nearly as dramatic or noticeable--but then I have to remind myself, that doesn't mean it isn't there.

So, I guess the short of it is that I will be praying in the following days for the Lord to teach me how to finally "love" Him. I want to know what that love feels like. It will probably be different than how I love my husband and children. Perhaps I will discover that my gratefulness to Him is how my love for Him feels.

Guess I'll find out!

What do you think

Checking in and off to camp

2009-08-03T09:55:00.003-04:00

Gosh. Time just flies by doesn't it? I'm amazed at how fast the past few weeks have gone by. I have two new regular part-time freelance projects that are taking a lot of my time, plus a new position as Project Manager with Lachesis Publishing and I'm trying to get things organized for edits and things for the books we have.

I was just thinking of the milestones I've (we've) reached:

1) It's August! One month until school starts. Have you guys done your back-to-school shopping. For those of you who homeschool when does your "teaching" season start? Do you have any pre-school-season rituals.

2) My baby is almost 1! He will turn 1 on the 20th! It certainly doesn't feel like a year. He's almost walking he will push a chair or walker along and walk after it. He loves books and definitely knows when mommy's about to feed him. The cutest thing is that when I am feeding him, the more he likes the taste the bigger the "mmmm".

3) We shipped my other baby--who is now 13--off to Air Cadet camp for two weeks. This will be a big adjustment for him and I was rather worried about how he would handle things. But, as we were waiting for the kids to board the bus, a boy came up to us and started talking to Chris--who wasn't very responsive since we'd woken up at 5 that morning (he usually sleeps until 10 or 11). The boy's parents came over and told us that Derek (their son) and Chris talked a lot normally at the squadron. What I liked is that he didn't seem put out that Chris wasn't really talking back, which is what Chris really needs. I'm glad he has a friend.

I'm praying that this will be a fun time for him as well as a learning experience. We did manage to get him to take a shower before he goes to bed every night. He now does that regularly...now if only I could get him to wear deodorant and brush his teeth. I'm hoping that camp will help with these other things.

4)I will be moving into more leadership roles in the church. I will be taking on a newsletter for the church and taking minutes for their meetings, as well as planning a MOPS program.

What's on your agendas for the fall? What milestones have you reached this summer?

Hearts at Home Blog Post

2009-07-23T21:33:00.000-04:00

One of the things I love about blogging is the exchange of ideas that takes place; after all, what mom can't use a new idea every now and then!

If you are interested in a blog that brings a group of mommy bloggers all to one place, stop by and visit the Hearts at Home blog.

Hearts at Home's contributing bloggers write about motherhood, each with a unique perspective, reflecting on the spiritual, emotional and downright funny aspects of motherhood. Their group of bloggers range from professional speakers to authors to stay-at-home moms, all who share a passion for the profession of motherhood.

The Hearts at Home blog covers a variety of topics, such as practical mom tips, recipes, book reviews, and advice for tackling tough mommy issues.

Take a peek at this great resource and connect with real moms sharing real stories today!

Working Holiday by: K.R. Pinkston

2009-07-18T10:47:00.003-04:00

"Are you coming this summer for vacation?” I could hear my mother sucking in the air and holding her breath on the other end of the line.

My head screamed: no, no, no! My mouth said: “Yes, of course.”

It will be fine, I kept telling myself on the way to my parents’ home. In truth, it is fun visiting my parents -- at least for my husband and son. They can roam the beautiful countryside, fish in the nearby river, take naps, and play games. I, on the other hand, go home.

Within ten minutes of arriving at my parents’ house, my mother had the first job for me. “We need to drive to Aunt Hetty and bring her the cherries,” she said.

“I haven’t even unpacked…”

"Yes. You can do that later. Aunt Hetty’s been waiting for the cherries for days. I’ve got a few grates down in the basement. They’re all starting to get mushy.”

My husband helped me load the trunk with cherries. Then I watched him and our son leave to take a long, relaxing stroll through the cool forest.

I, on the other hand, got back into the car with my mother to deliver the cherries. On the way to Aunt Hetty’s, my mom remembered that we needed to swing by Rudy’s to pick up some bread.

Rudy Larsen, the store owner, approached me with a smile and grabbed my hands. After reminiscing for half an hour, my mom and I left with a bunch of homegrown tomatoes for Aunt Hetty and a bag of potatoes for the next-door neighbor.

“Rudy usually brings her the potatoes and other heavy stuff,” my mom explained back in the car. “It’s really sweet of him. Well, of course, she has problems with walking. And then, she’s now all by herself. I don’t know if I told you, but the big house’s all gone to her nephew.” My mom shook her head and sighed. “Now she moved in next door to Aunt Hetty. But, I tell you, she still has her big mouth.”

“Who is she? Do I know her?”

“You’ll see,” my mom said. “You’ll see.”

After unloading the cherries and tomatoes into Aunt Hetty’s kitchen, I was eager to deliver the potatoes to meet this mysterious woman next door.

“I’d better go with you,” mom told me and led the way to the neighbor’s front door.

“Hope she doesn't bite, or something.” I grunted under the heavy sack of potatoes.

The neighbor’s front door opened and out came my worst enemy. I recognized her black eyes that always flashed like a shiny beetle in the sun. It was the old Burk woman, of all people. The lines around her eyes had deepened, and her mouth drooped more than it had thirty years ago. I hid my head behind the potatoes. Maybe she would not recognize me. After all, I was a girl back when she spanked me for riding my bike through her strawberry patch.

“Who’s that behind the potatoes?” Mrs. Burk’s shrill voice shouted toward me. She had not changed at all.

“Oh, that’s my daughter,” mom said, while I held my breath.

“Well then!” Her voice cut through the air. “Don’t just stand there. Take the sack to the hut over there. The door’s open. Just put it down around the corner.”
I carried the sack over to her hut and walked back toward the two old ladies.

“Well, Mrs. Burk, the potatoes are inside the hut,” I called out and turned to leave. “I’ll wait in the car, mom.”

"Thank you,” she replied. “Thank you so much. Wait a minute!”

Here it comes. I turned and took a few steps back toward the ladies.

“I’m glad to see that you’ve turned out a nice lady, who doesn’t mind carrying a sack of potatoes around for a grumpy old woman,” she said. “You know, I had my doubts about you.” Mrs. Burk raised her finger; then she smiled.

It turned out that Mrs. Burk had changed after all. She ordered me to get Aunt Hetty over to her house for coffee and cake. But, somehow, I did not mind. I saw the old, fragile woman she had become behind the authoritative voice. Old, fragile and lonely.

An hour later my mom and I drove back home.

“I think we’ll plant those dahlias, tomorrow,” my mom said, referring to the couple of plants in the trunk that Mrs. Burk had given us. “You can drive me to the cemetery.”

I nodded and smiled, as I parked the car. Another day of driving mom around. Another day of loading and unloading the car. Another day of reminiscing and meeting people from my past. How lucky I am to go back home and spend time with my parents, surrounded by people who have known me since I was born. I am one of the villagers, no matter where I live now.

“Oh, you know what?” My mom cried out as she put her seat belt back on. “We forgot to pick up the bread at Rudy’s. Oh, well. You’d better turn around and drive back to the shop.”

Stepping out

2009-06-29T07:11:00.004-04:00

Today's girlfriend devotional talks about stepping out of our comfort zones--I'm actually editing a book on that very subject.

Life is full of challenges and choices. Are you going to stay at the same spiritual level you've always been, or will you delve into God's word searching his heart and communing with Him to find out what it is He wants for your life?

Are you one that usually shies away from trying anything new or different? I can't say that I am although I will admit I don't readily jump into the fray, either.

The last few weeks have been challenging for me and presenting me with new opportunities--an opportunity to go where I feel God is leading me, an opportunity to try new things.

As a freelance writer and editor, it is up to me to find work to support my family. Thankfully, I have the Lord on my side and many of the projects I work on are people that have come to me. Little did I know a connection I made a couple of years ago would turn into a career opportunity. I met this lady through another writer friend who hosted a cookout for some of her writing friends. Carole was then an editor for BeWrite Books. I had her edit a portion of one of my works in progress (WIPs). A couple years later, I learned from this same friend that Carole had started a publishing company. I contacted her to see if there was an editorial position available. A few months later I found out there was and I was able to fill the slot.

A year later, due to some confusion, it was decided that I would be "downsized". I thought this would be the end of my association, until a message posted on their "admin" site announced (which I assumed I would be kicked off of after being downsized but wasn't) that one of their Editors-in Chief was leaving. I took the chance, resting on the fact I had known Carole before, and asked to be considered to take on the vacant EIC position. The next day I had an interview and found out that I was their top candidate and had tailored a new position just for me! Notice came out yesterday that the other EIC is also leaving (I knew this at the interview, but it was only official, yesterday). My new position is Project Manager for Lachesis (Legasis) Publishing, looking after making sure all the edits are done, covers are done and things are ready to go to print.

It took me a good week to get over the shock!

Then with church, I had taken a membership course that studied my gifts, skills and talents for the purpose of seeing where they could be used in ministry. I consider myself extremely fortunate that I'm in a church that doesn't shy away from taking on new ministry ideas to accommodate and use that talents God has given us.

I have known for a while what my talents, skills and gifts are, but in considering which talents I would like pursue primarily, I was rather surprised at where the Lord was leading me--surprised in that I thought my primary desire was to do something else. I have decided to pursue writing and editing for our church primarily. I will also be doing some lay counselling and mentorship to other moms, perhaps looking towards running a support group for those moms who have lost babies/children. I'm still deciding on a few other things particularly related to writing: perhaps establishing a book store, a printing press for sermon help notes, and editing sermons series into books themselves.

Talk about stepping out. There are lots of changes coming...including just this week as I try to get a handle on my new position and still manage the two major projects I have (with another possibly coming this week), three minor projects starting this week, three new editing projects, and one major one starting on the 15.

Well, must get going with all that on my plate. In the meantime, I want to leave you with some encouragement to step out in faith and accept the challenges that God has placed for you. You never know where they're going to lead. So long as you learn from your actions and inactions, you have not failed. Don't be afraid to take the chance.

"And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance..." (Leeann Womack, "I hope you Dance")

Building Our Husbands up Through Prayer

2009-06-24T07:26:00.003-04:00

Hello, Ladies:

I apologize for MIA. I've been quite swamped with freelancing, which is a good thing!

I wanted to draw your attention to Renee Swope's blog, particularly her post on Friday. I have included it as a second devotional in our Girlfriend Devotional section.

I must confess that I have struggled with my husband in the last few weeks over a few issues, and have had to remind myself to pray for the Lord's guidance and wisdom in speaking to my husband about issues where I feel he's not being the head of our household. Far from trying to get my own way, some of his actions and decisions I don't believe were done in the interest of our family, but in the interest of himself.

So, the question is how to approach him and suggest another option without raising my voice--which he doesn't like and doesn't respond well to--and still be respectful towards his role as head of the house.

Anyway, go to the Girlfriend Devotionals section or click on the title above it will take you to Renee's blog. I have been truly blessed by her and her messages. Her blog is one of my favourites.

New Devotional site

2009-06-08T06:59:00.001-04:00

The Radical Revolution is a devotional blog/site set up by Proverbs 31 Ministries. I just discovered it, today, when I was going through the new posts on my blogs and a blogger I follow was "specialing" there, today.

Great site! I have added this one to my e-mail list!

Parenting on my Knees by: Renee Swope

2009-06-05T07:00:00.002-04:00

Another great blog post! I think we could all spend a little more time on our knees. I have a 13-year-old with a learning disability and, while he has a gentle heart, I know he struggles with being bullied and schedules, etc.

What a great reminder from Renee, this morning!

http://reneeswope.blogspot.com/2009/06/parenting-on-my-knees.html

Hearing God Speak by: Katrina Wampler

2009-06-05T06:49:00.003-04:00

Please stop over at Katrina's blog, today. She is the friend of mine who started Kaylen's Write 2 Heal.

Great message there, today!

http://katrinawampler.wordpress.com/2009/05/31/hearing-god-speak/

Excerpt - Cracking the Parenting Code by: Laura Lee Heinsohn

2009-06-04T06:32:00.003-04:00

Over the next several posts I will be sharing parts of Chapter 3 of Laura's book, Cracking the Parenting Code: 6 Clues to Solving the Mystery of Meeting Your Child's Needs.

Chapter 3 - Beneath the Surface: Digging into the Past Reveals Keys for the Future

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxieties. -Psalm 139:23

How you make sense of your childhood experiences has a profound effect on how you parent your own children. --Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell, Parenting from the Inside Out

Sometimes the keys to figuring out our children's needs lie in our own childhoods. You're probably wondering, What does my childhood have to do with connecting with my children? If we never make sense of our childhood experiences, the consequences are likely to affect our own children, whether we realize it or not. Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell explain it like this:

If you had a difficult childhood but have not come to make sense of those experiences, your are not bound to re-create the same negative interactions with your own children. Without such self-understanding, however, science has shown that history will likely repeat itself, as negative patterns of family interactions are passed down through the generations. -- Parenting from the Inside Out

Having coached many parents, I have seen this to be true. People come into the workshop with either a chip on their shoulder toward their parents, or as soon as they left childhood they never looked back. Many who have had difficult childhoods don't even realize that they are carrying around baggage. Siegel and Hartzell elaborate:

When we become parents we are given an incredible opportunity to grow as individuals because we ourselves are put back into an intimate parent-child relationship, this time in a different role. So many times parents have said, "I never thought I'd do or say the very things to my children that felt hurtful to me when I was a child. And yet I find myself doing exactly that." Parents can feel stuck in repetitive, unproductive patterns that don't support the loving, nurturing relationship they envisioned when they began their roles as parents. Making sense of life can fee parents from patterns of the past that have imprisoned them in the present. -- Parenting from the Inside Out

Through observing and making sense of our past we can improve the present and our children's future. I wish I'd learned this truth when my children were little; however, I discovered it's never too late. I also discovered that making sense of my seemingly senseless past held some very important clues to restoration and healing.

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall. By Shannon Popkin

2009-06-02T14:17:00.001-04:00

(Someone posted this on one of my groups and I just had to pass it along!)

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?''

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!''

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''

''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!''

He started to gag at this point.

''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''

As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.

''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!''

He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. ''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''

More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.

''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''

I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.

My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms)

Rest

2009-05-26T06:37:00.004-04:00

As I poke my head out from my virtual cubicle, I wanted to draw your attention to today's Scriptural Thought.

I certainly needed this reminder, this morning, after having finished an edit on part 1 of a 4-part series, and where I'm in the process re-arranging my schedule so I can get the other 3 parts finished. Unfortunately that rearranging means isolating myself and not going out.

In the midst of all this stress, I still need time to "be still".

Now, gotta go!

New Links

2009-05-22T06:06:00.002-04:00

Hey, Ladies!

If you have a moment, take a look at some of the new blogs that I have added to our Mommy Links.

One of them, A Journey to Hope, is run by Michelle. I just started following this blog, recently. I wanted to encourage you to pop over there and leave a comment for a chance to win a birthday giveaway. (Michelle's birthday is coming up and instead of receiving gifts, she giving something away.)

There are lots of good links there. Please check them out.

Struggling to be Supermom?

2009-05-21T06:39:00.002-04:00

If you're anything like me--and I'm often surprised at how many mothers turn out to have the same struggles--read today's girlfriend devotional from Lysa TerKeurst.

My reaction when I read it was, whew! I'm not the only one! How spiritually releasing it is to hear someone else--with probably just as much on her plate as I--come out and say, I don't have to be like those other moms.

For me, I'd be happy if I could conquer the dust bunnies. I've made headway with washing dishes more regularly, and am working diligently on conquering my mountains of laundry--and at least folding the wrinklables before I let them sit in their baskets for the next two weeks. I don't want my house to be spotless, but the dust bunnies have to go (you know how many dust mites live in just one? ewwwww!)

Anyway...I feel like I can conquer the world, today, simply because someone else said exactly what I'm feeling. Always great to know I'm not the only one.

Broken into Beautiful

2009-05-21T06:28:00.002-04:00

Many of us are mothers to babies in heaven--whether by natural means or unnatural means. If you are, please take a moment to read Gwen Smith's story as part of Micca Campbell's blog, today. Then click on the above title to listen to the song.

Be encouraged and know that God can use whatever your experience to change lives.

http://www.miccacampbell.com/2009/05/broken-into-beautiful-gwens-story.html

Intermission

2009-05-18T09:11:00.003-04:00

I was quite excited, this past week, when I received two of Sharon Jaynes' books in the mail. One of them her devotional, Extraordinary Moments with God.

Today's Girlfriends in God devotional is a snippet from this book. I found this message so encouraging I knew I had to share it.

If you think you've come to the end of God's purpose for you, just wait. It may be just an intermission. A grand finale awaits you at the end.

My Two Mothers

2009-05-15T06:36:00.003-04:00

This month's topic for blogging is 'remembering our mothers'.

I have two--my birth mother and my step-mother.

I have to think really hard to remember my birth mother because she passed away when I was 9 after a battle with breast cancer.

Many of the incidents I remember with her were disciplinary ones. LOL! I remember how she would make me stomp up and down the stairs when I was angry until I grew tired. I remember wooden spoons broken across my rear end. (That was considered the norm back then.)

I remember a time when I was sick (I don't remember with what or for how long), and she brought me a doll to keep me company. I remember her dedication to Brownies (Girl Guides). She was a brown owl when we lived in Toronto and would often take me with her. I remember coming home from those Brownie nights to hot chocolate and cinnamon toast--that is toast with melted butter and cinnamon and sugar sprinkled on top (if you haven't tried I strongly recommend it).

I remember how she cried when we received word that my grandmother had been killed in a car accident. I remember how she let me lick out the mixing bowl when she was baking.

My last memory of her was as we were visiting her in the hospital. I was kind of afraid to see her, but I snuck down the hallway--away from the puzzles I had been keeping myself occupied with in the sunroom (I think it was of hot air balloons)--and peeked around the doorway. The room was filled with monitors and cords, and my mother's bed was surrounded by people. The one emotion I remember feeling was fear--fear because I was in a scary place to me (a hospital), but fear as well that the woman on the bed was my mother, and yet she didn't look like my mother.

My mother died in November of that year (1982). In June of that year we were transferred to London, Ontario. There, my dad met the woman who would become my step-mother. It was not an easy transition. She was getting used to me. I was getting used to her. I was strong willed and stubborn. So was she.

But, despite all this, she looked after me when I had the chicken pox and I think that was the point I realized I needed a mother, still.

There have always been battles between us, particularly with my teenage hormones coming into play. There were many times I was frustrated with her for the things she would say and do. But, now I understand she did the things she did because I have children of my own.

There are still things that annoy me about my mother now that we're adults: she's usually the pessimist, I'm usually the optimist. So, naturally we clash. But, there is a love there that has been 25 years in the making.

The Impact of the Perception of Failure

2009-05-14T06:52:00.002-04:00

This week has been full of progress, both on the freelance writing and editing side and on the networking side for Meaningful Messages. I have started work on the website, have designed business cards, have planned a whole slew of encouraging gift ideas.

Then I read the above blog post, Rising Again, by one of my favorite devotional writers Renee Swope. I have always been one to deliberately remind myself and others to count their blessings, to see the positive side of things. But, yesterday morning, I had a hard time digging myself out of that negative hole that I sometimes find myself in.

I left a comment and subscribed to receive follow-up comments on her blog post. I was astonished at how prevalent the feeling of failure is among women. (I know it probably is in men, too, so these thoughts could apply to you--even if you won't say the words out loud.) There is so much going on in today's world, on top of this economic downturn. Not only are people losing jobs and homes, people are losing or being rejected by family members. People have completely lost hope.

I struck me how even when the circumstances that we find ourselves in are not related to anything we've done, we consider ourselves having failed when things don't go our way or the way we'd hoped. Often, these circumstances couldn't be helped. We have no control over the decision the boss makes. We have no control over the decisions of the banks. We have no control over the decisions our children make--we hope they will make their decisions based on what we've taught them, but there's no guarantee of that. But still we blame ourselves for all these things having fallen through.

There are many statistics that show the impact of the loss of a job. It is even more profound than the loss of a loved one. Having a job, a house, a car, 3.5 kids with a white picket fence around the property has been the epitome of success and when those idyllic things don't happen or crumble into pieces, we think we've failed.

In God's eyes, we are not failures. I realized this, yesterday. Our Tuesday morning Bible study involved a guest speaker from within our church who supports Gospel for Asia. We watched a couple of DVDs of people who had been transformed by the message of the Gospel. People who find their food in dumps and live in disease-infested sewers of Asia. The running theme was that they didn't know they were loved. They didn't know they mattered. Once they were told that someone did love them, and that they did matter to someone--didn't really matter who--their perspective in life turned around.

For many of us, our entire lives are spent in the pursuit of the perfect job, the perfect house...and when we don't attain them we don't believe we're worth anything. But, that is not true. The way to discover that truth is to turn our attention away from these strivings and focus on something else. God has a purpose for us and is always trying to teach us. One of these things is that money doesn't last forever. Spending ourselves into debt with no possible way of paying it off doesn't work. And, no matter what our circumstances there is someone who loves us unconditionally. That love is not based on our success, but is a love that can change hearts when they're at the very lowest they've possibly been. These times are not times of punishment, but are times where we can learn that what we've been doing doesn't work and things need to change so that we don't find ourselves in this situation again. It's painful, yes. It's certainly not pleasant. But, if we stop learning, we stop living and if we close our minds to the lessons around us we risk repeating the same mistakes. One day, hopefully, we will be able to look back on this time and the lessons we've learned and realize how far we've come. We will be better people, mothers, fathers, teachers, leaders, writers, editors because of it.

So long as we are learning from our circumstances, we have not failed!

Motherhood is a valid profession

2009-05-13T16:13:00.001-04:00

Motherhood is a valid profession.

It is that belief that inspired Jill Savage and a group of women to plan the first Hearts at Home conference 16 years ago. Today these conferences are a place where moms can go to find the encouragement and education they need to do this mothering thing right!

The problem is, not everyone can attend a Hearts at Home conference, so Hearts at Home University was created!

Hearts at Home University is a new resource designed to encourage and equip you in your journey as a parent! These live web casts, affordably priced at $15 each, allow you to tap into continuing education as a mom on a regular basis right from the comfort of your own computer.

The topics that will be covered over the Spring and Summer Semester include:

“Is There Really Sex after Kids” with Jill Savage
“She’s Gonna Blow” with Julie Barnhill
“Redefining Romance” with Mark and Jill Savage
“Keeping Your Ducks in a Relative Row” with Karen Ehman

For information on dates and times, or to register go here.

Living Hope

2009-05-12T05:51:00.002-04:00

I read this in my devotions, this morning. I always stop by Micca's blog. I find her posts so relevant and encouraging. I wanted to pass this along because I know many of you are struggling to find hope. This reminds us that we don't have to fear what's going on in the world. God is still in control.

http://www.miccacampbell.com/2009/05/living-hope.html

Breaking the Circle by K.R. Pinkston

2009-05-11T09:19:00.001-04:00

Who needs Mother’s Day? Every spring we hear the same commercials, urging children of all ages to purchase a box of chocolates, a bouquet of flowers and, of course, the obligatory card. Mothers will be celebrated for giving life and bearing years of sacrifices to raise their children. I will give my mother a gift, and my child will give me a gift. The circle of life.

I did not think I needed that reminder, but that was before I heard Mara’s story. She broke the circle of life.

“It wasn’t supposed to be that way,” she told me one day. Her eyes fixated on a row of drawings that I had taped on the kitchen door. On Mother’s Day I will get another drawing, maybe two, from our son depicting maybe a house, some flowers and a tree. Oh yes – I almost forgot – somewhere on the picture will be a Pokemon. In his mind, you have to draw a Pokemon whenever you can.

Mara shook her head. “We wanted to have two kids. Well, at least two. Gosh, we wasted a bunch of money on all sorts of fertility treatments. Nothing worked. Nothing whatsoever.” She sighed and took a sip of coffee. “It wasn’t supposed to be.”

I chewed my lips. Should I tell her that we also wanted to have two kids? Tell her that I understood her feelings? But how could I understand her if I was blessed with a child? “I’m sorry,” I said instead.

“No, it’s fine now.” Mara forced a smile. “Really. Chris and I love our freedom. We try to see the positive side of not having to raise kids. It’s just difficult sometimes when you live in a military community, you know.”

I nodded. I knew exactly what she meant. “Yes, a lot of pregnant young women and little kids everywhere.”

Mara nodded and pointed at the drawings. “What on earth are those little creatures supposed to be?”

This conversation happened months ago, but I cannot get it out of my mind. I know there are many women who wish to hold a baby in their arms. You pray and plead with God. You swallow tablets, herbs, a cocktail of daily vitamins and teas. You try acupuncture, yoga, ovulation prediction kits, and chart your temperatures. You crave a cup of coffee in the morning but drink water instead. Just in case. Every month you hold onto the straw. Then the blood comes and with it the tears.

Often, you suffer this hurt in secret. You can eat, sleep and think. You are healthy and smart. Who needs to know that you cannot get pregnant? Instead, you smile and tell people that you are still working on your career, that you have decided to wait a few more years and that you are happy right now.

I know. I used to be one of those women.

On Mother’s Day I would give my mom a bouquet of flowers and wish her a happy day. That was it. No card, no hugs, no drawings for me. Every year she would say that I should not have spent the money and that Mother’s Day was just a big commercial fuss.

Yes, I needed Mara’s reminder. Being able to give birth to a child is not a given fact of a woman’s life. It is a blessing. Many women will hug their mothers this month, grateful for all the sacrifices and challenges their mothers have endured. Many will be praying this month that one day their own child will hug them.

My heart goes out to all of you who wish to become mothers. May God answer your prayers.

You are NOT a Failure

2009-05-11T06:39:00.002-04:00

I love today's girlfriend devotional. So often we can berate ourselves for what we see as our failures, but when we see us as God has created us it should change our perspective--I know it does mine. I don't always feel like a great mother. I look at the other mothers, young and old. Those with many children and those with a couple. Those that are SAHM and those that work outside the home. Those that keep a tidier house or who can bake at the drop of a hat...Sometimes, many times, I wish I could be more like them. Have the perfect at home job, making what I would make in an office, with a tidy, well-kept house, kids that obey me without question; instead of struggling to make a living, even though I know what I'm doing is right, a messy, cluttered house with unfinished jobs surrounding me and mocking me, and a 13-year-old whom I've been struggling with all year getting him out of bed on time and getting him to adhere to a schedule (which heaps coals on my head because I know he had a schedule before I went to work full-time and in a sense I feel like I abandoned him and now I'm paying for it with a son who would otherwise have kept to that schedule and my mornings would be less stressed).

Well, I feel like I have the perfect job, not sure that I have managed to successfully find a balance between job and home, yet, though.

Anyway. If you have another second jump on over to the Proverbs 31 Ministries devotional, which is by Glynnis Whitwer, today. An amazing vision. I once felt the hands of Jesus on my shoulders during a time of despair. And just thinking of Jesus sitting beside me as she describes gave me shivers. May we give Him all the praise and honor, today.

Ministry in Mothering

2009-05-09T07:07:00.002-04:00

In one of my devotional readings, this week, I was reminded about how vital my ministry is as a mother. I thought on this eve of Mother's Day, I would remind us all about the invaluable role we play in our children's lives.

My mother-in-law tried to tell me when our 13-year-old was first born that my ministry was at home. I had spent all my life in music ministry with our church and this was her attempt to get me to stay home with the baby and not get involved in anything. Now, I respect my mother-in-law. She was a single mother who successfully raised two boys into men that are now following the Lord. They are both hardworking and good examples for Chris and Brent.

At the time she said this, I knew she was right, but my heart belonged to music and I knew I couldn't give it up. I was one of those moms who kept on doing what I'd always done. I didn't stay home because I was a mother. I took Chris with me. He would sit in his car seat in the middle of band practice or choir practice.

I never thought anything of it and I don't think Chris was hurt by it at all.

Since my decision to work from home...which by God's grace, I couldn't have done until now...I find I have the same philosophy with Brent. I do whatever it is that I'm called to do...and take him along. Of course I have a built in babysitter! (There is a certain advantage to having children 12 years apart!)

With Chris, I knew the ministry was there. The bonding with him. The spending time with him before bed. Instilling in him how to value people and treat them with respect and kindness. Instilling in him knowledge of Jesus and the desire to follow him. I didn't really focus on it, but it was still a ministry.

With Brent--12 years after Chris--and now that I'm a little older and wiser, I see that ministry in a different light. I see my ministry of keeping house (which I'm admittedly not doing very well with) and raising another little boy with Christian values and a good work ethic.

As I look back on how I was with Chris, I'm astonished that he has turned out as well as he has. I know I'm more mature now, and as Chris grew up and out of the earlier, more trying years I learned to deal with him much better. I'm hoping that since I've learned this, I can avoid the same trials with Brent.

There is one thing I regret, though. Although I know it was in God's plan, I learned to do things that have now become part of my home business, I still see the effect it has had on Chris and our family. I regret going back to work. I should have made sure that my work was part-time. Chris, as many of you know, has Aspergers. While I was at home in the mornings, I had Chris in a schedule and rhythm of getting up in the morning and getting ready. No problems. At one point, I started going to work early. Kevin's (hubby's) schedule had changed so that he was home--although somewhat groggy--in the mornings. So I took that as an invitation to get to work earlier. What I didn't realize was that Kevin didn't have the discipline to get himself up in the morning, however sleep deprived, and keep the schedule I had Chris going with. (A classic case of "if you want something done right....")

At 13, after years of no structure, I'm trying to retrain Chris in personal hygiene. I look back and see the spiral downward in this happened when I started to work more. It brought home to me how much he needed me and that there is no one better to do my job. This is one of the reasons why I'm fighting to stay a work-at-home mom with Brent.

I know not every mother can stay at home. Many do so and my hat's off to you because I understand the stress and the overwhelming feeling of having to manage a house, children and a job with all the responsibilities those entail. Many do so without any detriment to their children. I was one who didn't see anything wrong with a latchkey kid. Chris was that for many years in the afternoon. I didn't have a problem with that since I was home in the evening.

Anyway...We, as mothers, have an amazing ministry. Not just to our own children, but to other mothers and their children, as well. If you're in a community--neighborhood or church--you know what I mean. It's one of the reasons why I started this blog and have become involved in the women's ministries in our church. I see how important it is that we mothers share our experiences. There is comfort in knowing that other mothers understand, that other mothers have been there, that other mothers won't judge us. They've all been there. I encourage you if you're not in a supportive church environment--perhaps the mothers there are judgmental--find yourself a group where you're excepted, and challenged to be more than you are, to realize your full potential as a Christian mother.

On this Mother's Day, let's renew our vow to our children, let's encourage other mothers, and let's acknowledge the role our mothers and mothering figures had on shaping who we've become.

Worth the Climb

2009-05-05T06:56:00.002-04:00

Please check out Renee's blog this morning. A very encouraging devotional.

I'm climbing up a hill myself at the moment! (I think I can. I think I can. Going down the other side will be a blast!)

Visit Micca's Site

2009-04-29T06:22:00.002-04:00

Today's Girlfriend Devotional is Micca's blog post from yesterday, but she always has something that drives to the heart of how I want my relationship to be with God. She is always encouraging and insightful.

If you haven't already, purchase a copy of her book "An Untroubled Heart". I just received my copies yesterday. Yes, I said "copies". I bought one for myself and had originally purchased another for the church library, but a friend of mine is going through a tough time so I thought I might give it to her instead.

Anyway, check out the blog and the book! You won't be disappointed.

You are a Masterpiece

2009-04-27T06:16:00.002-04:00

Take a look at today's Proverbs 31 Devotional. Since I already posted a blog post from Micca Campbell in today's girlfriend devotional, I thought I would post this here.

I know I get down on myself...I was doing just that only half an hour ago. I get discouraged when I see dust bunnies growing on the stairs, bits of kleenex that the dog leaves everywhere, dishes that aren't washed, piles of laundry that aren't folded...a desk that is full paper.

But this reading provided me with inspiration for a product for my new business...more on that when I get the website launched!

But, whatever you do, today, remember that you are God's masterpiece and you are a piece of the master!

I'm Here. Really!

2009-04-19T15:34:00.003-04:00

Sorry, I've been kind of absent, ladies. I've found myself rather swamped trying to maintain the household...yada, yada...I'm sure you're all familiar with the dilemma.

As I sit here trying to take a couple of minutes to write something about summer, I find myself unable to pick a single summer that was really incredibly--well, incredible.

I didn't attend a lot of summer camps because we used to spend many of our summers one the move with my parents' job.

I remember my first music camp. I had no idea what to do while I was there. I was found wandering about the camp with no clue what I was supposed to be doing, until someone asked me, what I was supposed to be doing. I replied, "I don't know" and with their help I figured out what classes were and what a camp schedule was like.

I remember a camp (don't remember if it was music camp or not) where we girls were settling down to go to sleep when spiders started dropping out of the ceiling. I guess an egg had hatched. I called them white widows, because they were white and had an hour glass on their back. We spent hours swing at them with brooms and spraying them with hairspray.

I remember the summer we spent camping at a campground just outside my parents' new appointment. The house wasn't ready, yet, so we decided to camp until it was time for us to move in. That was a neat summer. We hunted for a camper who'd lost her pet bunny. I shot lots of pool and learned how to do flips on the trampoline.

Probably the most memorable summer was the summer I worked at camp. Camp Newport is situated in Northern Ontario just outside of Huntsville. It has to be one of the most beautiful camps I've ever seen. Large cabins with bathrooms, although if you wanted a shower you had to go to the main building.

That summer, I learned to drive a tractor, I painted cabins and picnic tables; we walked along the highway until about 2am. We watched Sesame Street when we longed for home. I bought a ghettoblaster. It was a summer of spiritual and personal growth, as well as fun.

Anybody else have memories of summer camp?

Sylvia Rimm's Parenting Advice - Sunday April 19, 2009

2009-04-19T15:31:00.002-04:00

Child With Differences Can Find Friends

Q. We have three children, an 11-year-old boy, 8-year-old girl and a 5-year-old boy. Our oldest child is one of the youngest kids in his suburban middle school's sixth-grade class. He's in gifted classes, is quite mature and gets straight A's. Our family believes in eating organic food, living environmentally consciously and not watching TV (except for an occasional cartoon or educational program). We strictly limit video games in terms of type and usage time. There are many things that set my 11-year-old apart from his peers. I'm noticing that as he begins his middle-school experience, his differences with his peers are increasing, and I'm concerned about how this will impact his middle-school (and down the line, high school) experiences.

Do you have any thoughts on how we, as parents, can help him navigate these difficult years so that he will come out of them on the other side with his self-esteem and curiosity intact? I believe my 11-year-old would thrive in a small liberal arts college where he could pick and choose his classes, have the luxury of delving into areas of interest, questioning everything to his heart's desire, and where his individuality would be nurtured and cherished.

A. Although your son's environment is different than the majority of children in his school, I'm sure he's not the only child whose family has reduced the media impact on their children. On the other hand, media impact affects all children whether they have direct exposure or only hear what their peers are talking about. It's likely that your son does feel different in many ways and may even feel pressured to know more about the world of his peers.

Because there are others who share your son's interests and aren't as media driven, it will be helpful if he can find a small group of like-minded peers. There may be extracurricular activities, sports, or religious groups where he can feel like he has more similarities than differences, or at least where his differences don't seem important and he's valued more for himself. If he does find such a group, he's likely to be able to navigate the rough waters of middle, high school and college comfortably. That doesn't mean he won't feel some peer pressure or have some difficult times, but they are only part of growing up and hopefully will help him to become stronger and more resilient. While every child needs some protection from environmental pressures, it's best that he experiences some problems now while he's still at home to receive parental support.

While a small liberal arts college may be your son's choice, he may also respond well to a large university where he can find a neighborhood of close friends who, again, share his values. It's too soon to determine the best fit for college, but colleges today, regardless of size, treat students as adults and expect them to take responsibility for their learning and requirements without parental assistance. Your son has quite a few years to develop the independence that he'll need in college, and his being a little younger shouldn't pose a disadvantage for him in light of his good progress at this time.

For free newsletters about keys to parenting your gifted child, choosing a college, or growing up too fast for middle schoolers, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read other parenting articles at www.sylviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Summer Friends By K.R. Pinkston

2009-04-13T09:15:00.002-04:00

Summertime is the time to be with family and friends. In the long shadows of the fading sun, we play soccer in the backyard after dinner, and then cool our taste buds with second helpings of ice cream.

This will be our last carefree summer. Next year in June or July we will move to our unknown military duty station, get ready to rent or buy a home in an unknown town, find a church to attend and a school for our son.

I worry at times that our child will not remember the carefree summers, but only the hectic summers when we moved. Therefore, I want to make this summer special and memorable.

We all sat down on a Sunday night and discussed our options for spending the summer holidays. Perhaps we could drive somewhere for a few days. Paris is close to us, and the Alps are just 3 hours away.

“What do you want to do during the summer?” I asked our son, Stefan.

“I just want to stay here and play with my friends.”

My husband and I exchanged puzzled glances. “You don’t want to go anywhere?” I asked. “See some castles? Hike up a mountain?”

“Well, I like to go see things sometimes. But a lot of my friends are leaving this summer, and if we go somewhere I won’t be here to play with them before they go. And I won’t be here to say goodbye to them.”

Why was I surprised? Unlike his parents, Stefan does not know what it is like to live and grow up in the same place year after year. Each year during the summer we make new friends when new families move in next to us; however, we also say goodbye to friends every summer. As parents, we always try to emphasize the positive, but we cannot deny that leaving friends hurts. This experience repeats itself every summer and overshadows the joy of long and carefree summer days.

I had a very different experience growing up, complaining that our family had the most boring summers. I remember sleeping in every morning and going grocery shopping for my mother after breakfast in the little corner shop up the hill. My sister and I spent hours playing with Barbie dolls, sometimes fighting over the cobalt evening gown for the dolls. I recall endless summer days playing hopscotch with my friends and riding our bikes. On sunny days we climbed the old trees that my grandfather had planted in the back yard. By August the branches hung low under the heavy weight of ripe cherries and plums. One of us stood watch to make sure our mother did not catch us eating all of the fruit (of course she knew what we were doing). Finally, the days came when we harvested fruit and vegetables together and helped our mother to make preserves.

Every year at the beginning of school I dreaded writing an essay about my holiday experiences. As for travelling, we visited relatives in the next town. How boring. There was just nothing to write about!

Yet, my boring summer holidays were precious. I know that now. My parents did not have to think about packing and moving to another duty station. I did not have to worry about losing friends, or my dad deploying for a year. Every year at the start of the school holidays, my sisters and I knew that we would spend the summer much like the previous ones.

In a way, our son leads the adventurous lifestyle that I craved as a child. Summers are not predictable and boring for Stefan, but they are also not carefree. By the end of this summer he will have said goodbye to his friends and, I hope, have made new ones. At the end of next summer he will have moved to another country and will try to make new friends again.

Still, I am determined to make this summer special for us. Stefan will go camping with his dad, and we will take some day trips together. The long days will go by fast with swimming, playing and doing crafts. I promised him that I would try to roller skate outside with him instead of practicing in our basement. He promised me to help me make some preserves.

We will hug our friends one last time. We will welcome new neighbors, who will wave goodbye to us next year. This summer will be special and memorable.

Great Marriage Building Article

2009-04-10T08:12:00.001-04:00

http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2008/fall/savinggrace.html?start=1

I read this, this morning, after a little voice urged me to read it instead of deleting it. I have been struggling this week with being the quiet, gracious wife. I had to remind myself of that several times, yesterday. After reading this, I know I have to keep going with it.

Being Patient with Yourself

2009-04-01T07:25:00.001-04:00

What a great hug, today. If you haven't made it to the side bar (and since I don't archive them) I thought I would include it here to be read whenever you need encouragement.

Dar

Being Patient With Yourself

You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought. (Matthew 5:5 MSG)

Being patient with other people can be difficult. but sometimes we find it even more difficult to be patient with ourselves. We have high expectations of ourselves, and we have lofty goals. We want to accomplish things now, not later. We want to be as "perfect" as possible, and we want our lives to unfold according to our own timetables...not necessarily God's. But things don't always turn out as planned. Our lives are not perfect, and neither are we.

So, Mom, here's a helpful hint for dealing (happily) with your world and yourself: be patient with all people, beginning with that particular woman who stares back at you each time you gaze into the mirror. That woman is created by God...and she should have your respect.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else. (Judy Garland)

From the 365-Devotional of the same name, published by Howard Books

Encouraging Words Newsletter

2009-04-01T06:59:00.001-04:00

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Today's Verse from the New Living Translation

"The people who had moved to Judah from Israel, and the people of Judah themselves, brought in the tithes of their cattle, sheep, and goats and a tithe of the things that had been dedicated to the LORD their God, and they piled them up in great heaps. They began piling them up in late spring, and the heaps continued to grow until early autumn. When Hezekiah and his officials came and saw these huge piles, they thanked the LORD and his people Israel!
'Where did all this come from?' Hezekiah asked the priests and Levites.
And Azariah the high priest, from the family of Zadok, replied, 'Since the people began bringing their gifts to the LORD's Temple, we have had enough to eat and plenty to spare. The LORD has blessed his people, and all this is left over.'"

—2 Chronicles 31:6–10
view in context

Encouragement for Today

God's economy does not depend on human markets. It depends on his people acting faithfully. Note well it was the people's acts of giving that led to "enough to eat and plenty to spare." If you've been tempted to quit giving due to financial stress, don't! In faith, give of whatever God is giving to you, and watch him bless. His blessing brings "enough to eat and plenty to spare." Operate on God's economy, not the world's.

—Diane Eble, author of Abundant Gifts: A Daybook of Grace-Filled Devotions

Sylvia Rimm's Parenting Advice - Wednesday April 1, 2009

2009-04-01T06:44:00.001-04:00

Manipulations After Divorce Are Tricky
Sylvia Rimm Q. My ex and I have been divorced for two years and our kids are now 3 and 5 years old. We currently have a nearly 60/40 split with parenting time. The kids are with me 60 percent of the time. However, my 5-year-old has expressed that she wants more time with her father and is mad at me for not letting her have more and for "not sharing with daddy." My question is, should I go to a more 50/50 split so our kids can see him more? I feel like I'm competing with him and his girlfriend for the love of the kids and it's depressing. If we go to 50/50, how does that affect the kids when they're in school? Thanks for your insight.

A. My best guess is that your 5-year-old daughter has been coached with her lines to you, and that seems like uncomfortable manipulation. Why not talk to your ex and explain that you'd rather not change any official agreements because of your concerns about school years, but that you'd be happy to be flexible in making exceptions to give him more time with the children if he'd like. If he's interested, suggest that you set up a regular way of communicating with each other to arrange the children's visitations. You could also explain that it's best not to make children into messengers after a divorce.

When you communicate to your daughter about the temporary change you're making, explain that you're always happy to hear about her feelings, but that you and her dad will work out what's best for her. Let's hope her dad doesn't congratulate her on making her mom "share more" or you'll soon have a very manipulative child.

Once your children are in school regularly, it does seem to be easier for children to stay in the same home during school days. If you and your ex live near one another, weekday visits can still happen. You'll both want to consider what's fair to the children, rather than only what's fair to the parents.

For a free newsletter about helping children after divorce, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read "Helping Your Children Cope With Divorce at www.sylviarimm.com.

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Organizational Skills Can Be Learned

Q. I'd like to know how best to handle my 18-year-old son who finds it very difficult to organize himself. He does a lot of things, but is quite undisciplined.

A. If your son is planning to attend college or take a job, he'll need to organize himself reasonably. Fortunately, organizational skills can be learned, but one needs to be motivated to learn them. By age 18, this needs to be your son's responsibility and if you remind him too many times, he's likely to avoid organization in opposition to you. If he's doing well in school and with his extra- curricular activities, you can be less worried; but if his grades are poor because of his disorganization, an evaluation by a psychologist before he enters adult life could be helpful to him.

For a free newsletter about organizational skills, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or visit www.sylviarimm.com for more parenting information.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Getting Organized

2009-03-31T06:18:00.002-04:00

Earlier this month I was talking about being domestically challenged. Here's a site that can help you organize anything. I tried the Flylady.com program, but it was too structured (can't believe I said that) and I felt really made for those moms who are at home and are not working. I found the schedule too much when I was working outside the home--of course I had a one-hour commute each way....

Anyway...see how this one works for you.

http://www.justmommies.com/articles/home-organization-plan.php

Dar

Funny Confessional

2009-03-30T06:47:00.002-04:00

Okay, so we've had some really revealing confessions. Time for something fun before we head into April.

I'm an e-mail addict, a crack-berry addict, and obsessed with books. And, I'm a recovering ebay addict.

I dread taking my computer to my IT guy even though it needs to be cleaned out and updated and all that, simply because it means going a day or two without e-mail. Of course I could cheat and use my husband's laptop...after all I run a business all through e-mail and the Internet. But, sometimes I use it as a challenge. It may mean that I have several hundred e-mails to check when I finally get back on-line, but I try to use the time in a different way--read a book, tackle some house-related things that I've been putting off because I'm in front of my computer all day.

I also get depressed if I check my e-mail after a couple of hours and there's nothing new to read or delete. Sad, eh?

Crack-berries (aka Blackberries). I worked for a time with the Canadian Government. A little over two years. But, that was long enough to get me hooked on a Blackberry. I have been working from home for a year now and with our cell phone contracts coming up for renewal my mind automatically went to "I want a Blackberry". My thumbs are twitching just thinking of it!

Books: Even my son is well aware of this one. We walk by a bookstore in the mall--those ones with the spring clearance tables are particularly enticing--and my 12-year-old will tug on my arm and literally drag me away saying, "You don't need any more books". LOL!!! I have some 300 at home on my shelf that I haven't had a chance to read, yet. I spend more time reviewing books for other authors than reading for pure pleasure.

ebay: There are so many great things on ebay! My addiction started out with...what else...books! Then I found these cute Precious Moments dolls and set out to find the whole set. The only thing was I couldn't stop. I found it harder and harder to say, "No, I don't need that". I had to go cold turkey. No visiting, no browsing. I'm much better now. My husband has needed some things for his car, and ebay has been the best place to get them. So, I think I can safely say I have conquered that urge. Although I'm still keeping stringent ties on my mind so that it doesn't consume me, again.

What about you? Are you a recovering or confessed chocoholic?

No condemnation

2009-03-30T06:39:00.003-04:00

I love today's girlfriend devotional. (see the sidebar or click on the title)

I love how devotionals come at just the right time to teach me what I need to know about what's going on in my life right now. This devotional came just after a day where I had chastised myself. I was tired of the struggle of looking after a household where I was the only one interested in cleaning. I'm not the greatest of housekeepers and dustbunnies and mountains of laundry mock me and are constant reminders of all the things that I still haven't done, and how much of a failure I am at the basics of wifehood and motherhood.

My husband and I had just had a rather tumultuous couple of weeks bickering over money and other things. I know I said some not-so-nice things to him. I look back on it now and wonder how I could let myself go, like that. What kind of an example was I setting for my husband?

But, then came this devotional--after my husband and I made up and are no longer wallowing in our anger and frustration. I still needed the reminder because I know a time will come again where the Evil One will use these situations to tell me I'm no good and am worth nothing and that my life is terrible...when in reality--at least from God's perspective--I'm worthy enough for him to have sent his Son to re-establish his connection with me (and if it had been only me, here, he would have still done it). In God's eyes, I am valuable and loved.

There is no condemnation from God because my sins have been forgiven. So, why should I let anyone else--including myself--decide differently?

Learning to Forgive - By: Heather Laurie

2009-03-27T09:28:00.001-04:00

Confessions are good for the soul. Hmm? I wonder why? I don't really want to relive the bad decisions and experiences that I have bumbled through. That is until I learned that confessing is the path to forgiveness. So here is my confession of something that I am going to have to learn to forgive in myself and my children.

I have a wonderful boy (Squire). Squire has Asperger's syndrome a form of autism. He is also a sensory seeker that means that he is the child needing strong sensory input. He head bangs, jumps off counter tops, throws himself at the walls, all sorts of odd behaviors. I normally take him and his sisters with me through all my errands. This will most likely include going to the library.

The day was long and the kids were tired. Squire loudly announced at the door of the library "I'm not going in and you can't make me!" Oh dear this is going to be a hard one I thought.

By the end of the trip his lousy attitude had infected all of us. I was upset that I had to cut the trip short. The girls were mad that their brother was getting them into trouble.Squire was just mad. So the loop went on each of us being mad at each other.

Finally as I was checking out Squire was circling the check-out counter at a run. The librarians and the patrons all looked at us with a shame on you look. I loudly told everyone,"Give him a break he's got autism!"

Was I giving him a break? No. I was too busy for autism. Squire doesn't have that luxury. My confession is I was embarassed at my son's autism. I know that is not the beautiful boy underneath. So I will strive to help Squire overcome his autistic behaviors. I will also learn to accept and love that part of him called autism.

God bless
Heather L
www.homeschoolblogger.com/gfcfmomofmany/
www.specialneedshomeschooling.com

Sylvia Rimm's Parenting Advice (For Wed, Mar 25, 2009)

2009-03-25T06:35:00.001-04:00

Bright Boy Underachieves

Q. I have a 15-year-old son whose teachers have been telling me for years what a smart kid he is, if only he would work harder. He knows we expect A's and B's. He just received his midterms and had one F and three C's. I believe he's not trying hard enough. He has an easy schedule with band, no sports and a study hall. I can't find anything that motivates him. He chooses not to do his work, then scrambles to make it up. I've tried nagging him, as well as leaving it up to him. He was part of a gifted and talented program when in elementary school but dropped out because it wasn't cool. What can I do?

A. By now your "cool," gifted son has no doubt lost confidence in his ability to get good grades, and being "cool" is unlikely to lead to motivation. Sometimes you can re-engage a child when he finds an interest or a career direction he wants to follow, so don't give up. Undoubtedly, early on his schoolwork seemed easy and he could get good grades without effort. Perhaps he wanted to escape being called a nerd or a geek by working harder as the curriculum became more difficult. By now, he probably has many bad habits and little academic confidence.

It's never too late to have him evaluated by the school or a private psychologist. Test scores may now be lower than his actual ability because he's been underachieving for a long time. Psychologists can give you some ideas about his strengths and weaknesses and can even work with you and him in relation to motivation. Considering that college and the real world aren't far away, that may help to motivate some improvement. My book "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades And What Your Can Do About It," (Great Potential Press, 2008) should be helpful.

For free newsletters about underachievement syndrome or growing up too fast, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read "Solving the Mysterious Underachievement Problem" or "Growing Up Too Fast" at www.sylviarimm.com.

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United Family Needs Direction

Q. I've just had my family reunited, and I'm having a hard time getting some cooperation out of them. I have 13- and 5-year-old boys, and 10- and 4-year-old girls. They're a set of characters. What do I have to do to get more harmony and add some self-discipline to my home? I'd like us to grow as a family, because they're intelligent and logical little people. This is really bothering me.

A. You haven't told me what disrupted your family earlier and now brings them together, but uniting a family after separation does require leadership. You may want to begin by thinking of an agenda of priorities such as chores, homework routines, guidelines for privacy and respect, fun times together, etc. Then determine a set time for weekly family meetings, so the children feel like they can be part of solving family issues and own some decision-making. You'll need to be clear about everyone sharing in both responsibilities and respect. Hopefully, you'll be able to help your children to understand that positive consequences, like having fun together or allowances, arrive when everyone cooperates, and negative consequences occur when children aren't responsible. I think you'll find my award-winning parenting book, "How to Parent So Children Will Learn," (Great Potential Press, 2008), very helpful in bringing your children together and blending their needs, their personalities and their love.

For a free newsletter about How to Parent So Children Will Learn, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to www.seejanewin.com for more information.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Why Has This Happened? By K.R. Pinkston

2009-03-23T09:29:00.001-04:00

The parents are shocked. They never imagined that their son would be capable of doing such a horrendous thing.

After reading this in the German magazine “Der Spiegel” I cannot get it out of my mind. Of course, no parent ever imagines that their child goes out and kills others, and I am no exception. Still I worry. Our son is happy, friendly and plays tennis – not much unlike the 17-year-old who caused a wave of shock and disbelief. On March 11, 2009, Tim went to his former school with a pistol and killed 9 students, 3 teachers, and 3 additional adults before killing himself.

I have read about school shootings before, but never has anything like that happened so close to where we are stationed here in Germany. Now I know that school shootings are not events you read about in the newspaper before you go and fold the laundry.

Tim comes from a Christian family, I heard a pastor say on the radio, and Tim will receive a Christian burial without any media coverage. I cannot imagine the mental anguish that Tim’s parents, sister and grandparents feel. The parents and grandparents have apologized for Tim’s actions, and yet they are forever searching for answers.

What have they done wrong? Could they have prevented the shootings? Why have they failed their child?

I know I make mistakes in parenting. I know I fail my child, not consciously, not intentionally, but it happens. What must I do now to prevent my own son from ending up on the wrong path?
The pastor had some answers. He said that parents must make sure that their child receives unconditional love, just as God loves every one of us. Children should not have to earn love from their parents. No matter what grades the child brings home, no matter if the child disobeys, no matter if the child is in real trouble: each child must know that their home is a safe haven, where they receive love and encouragement.

This does not mean that children should not be taught boundaries. We all must learn to live within society’s rules. In addition, the pastor stressed that parents must talk with their children. Talk about their feelings, their wishes, their troubles and ambitions. We must know what is going on in their lives, so we can reach out and guide them.

Well, we do that in our home, I thought, until I focused on our daily conversations. Yes, we talk a lot during the day, but what are we talking about?

Me: Did you pack your lunch, please put on your play pants, make sure you’re back for dinner, did you practice your spelling words, what did you play with Katie today, please turn off the TV and clean up your room.

Child: Can I go and play outside, where are my favorite socks, the teacher gave us easy homework today, my library books are overdue, I can’t find my roller skates and I know I put them in the closet.

We do have meaningful conversations about feelings, wishes and troubles, but not as often as I thought. I am worried, and I have changed that. Every minute counts, no matter if we talk in the car, on the way to school or cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.

Does my son like to talk about his feelings? No! I wonder what other mothers (particular moms with boys) say or do to encourage their children to talk about their emotions. In the meantime I keep trying. It is important to me that my child can come to me and talk about his problems and worries when he is an adolescent. I must lay those foundations right now. I just hope I find the right words to encourage him to express his feelings.

Perhaps the pastor’s answers are too simple for a very complex situation. Unconditional love and meaningful conversation may not be enough to rid the world of young people who will inflict harm upon others; however, I am convinced it is a start in the right direction.

I do not know if Tim received unconditional love. I do not know if Tim’s parents wish they had talked with their son more often. I just know that I must do my best to help that our child grows into a happy and loving man, who is an asset to society.

Sylvia Rimm's Parenting Advice: Military Deployments Difficult for Children

2009-03-22T15:52:00.001-04:00

Sunday March 22, 2009

Military Deployments Difficult For Children
Sylvia Rimm

Q. I have been on your Web site and could not find anything on the topic of military deployments and children. I have been married to my husband for 18 years, and we have weathered three one-year long deployments successfully. We have a 3-year-old little boy and this will be our first deployment with a child. A year without a daddy is far from ideal and I am worried. When I think about it, my heart breaks for him. I had to build a callus over my heart to live in these cycles of deployments. Yes, I know that "people do it all the time," and that "children are resilient," and most "turn out fine." I am searching for advice on what to do before deployment, during deployment and after deployment that will maximize my son's mental health. I want this year to have the least damaging effect as possible. Do you have advice?

A. Thanks for bringing this omission to my attention. I will not only answer your question, and place it on my Web site, but I'll invite other military families to write in their questions on my Web site and prioritize answering their questions. It is a small way in which I can express my appreciation to our troops and to their families for the sacrifices they're making for our country.

You are correct that "children are resilient" and most "turn out fine," but nevertheless this will be a difficult time for you, your husband and your son. Your most important priority is to build a support system for yourself and your son. Finding close family members and friends with whom you can socialize and celebrate holidays and birthdays is crucial. If there are other military families with one parent away on deployment, that can help your little guy to not feel so alone without his daddy.

Before your husband leaves, help him put together a book of pictures and messages you'll be able to share with your son a page at a time while his dad isn't able to communicate with him. For example, there can be Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday, first day of spring pages, so that in case there are long periods of time that you can't actually communicate there will be greetings and stories you can share with your son from his dad. While your husband is gone, cell phone calls, e-mails and pictures sent both ways can help your husband feel close to your son's growing up and can help your son understand what his daddy is doing and where he is. You can involve your little guy in sending care packages to his dad as well. Talk to your son about his daddy for a little while each day. While you can express how much you miss his daddy and how much daddy misses you both, be reasonably matter-of-fact about it, although occasional tears are also good emotions to express.

Finally, about a month before your husband comes home, it can be time to start counting days off on a calendar to get ready for the hugs and kisses that you and your son yearn for. Blending dad back into the family can be somewhat difficult, but if you don't make significant changes in routine for the year that dad is gone, then you won't have to make huge changes when he returns. Also, if you've managed to keep your husband updated on your son's development, it will be somewhat smoother for him to adjust to coming home.

For a free newsletter about "How To Parent So Children Will Learn," send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to www.sylviarimm.com for more parenting information.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

"Bring it To Me"

2009-03-20T06:50:00.002-04:00

What an amazing blog post by Marybeth, this morning!

I so needed that reminder. Marybeth has become one of my favorites of the P31 Ministries team, as has Micca Monda Campbell.

A true example of the Lord knowing what I needed to hear after a late night working on a business proposal that could mean millions for a potential client, and following the stress and household disappointments of this week.

"Bring it to me".

March Break Confession

2009-03-19T10:48:00.004-04:00

I haven't had a March "Break" in...oh...13 years.

Basically, March Break--a period of vacation where you can relax, get tanned, read a bunch of books, visit relatives, etc.--has only really applied to my son...or my husband. But, not for me. And not for most (any) moms.

It's become even more obvious since I started working from home. With my office job, I could take time off and enjoy a life at home that didn't involve work or responsibility aside from looking after my family.

Now that I'm working from home, there is no break. I've entered the world of--if you don't work you don't get paid, and even if you do work, it doesn't mean you'll get paid, so you have to keep working. Even if you assign yourself a break, there's the laundry, the dishes, the sweeping, mopping, cleaning, disinfecting, diaper changes, mid-night pacifier replacement runs...

No, for moms (and I suppose many dads, as well) there is no March Break.

Sylvia Rimm's Parenting Advice: Asperger's Child Doesn't Need Special Treatment & Sibling Problems with Special-Needs Sibling

2009-03-19T06:48:00.002-04:00

Sylvia Rimm's Parenting Advice
Wednesday March 18, 2009

Asperger's Child Doesn't Need Special Treatment
Sylvia Rimm

Q. My 8-year-old son has Asperger's syndrome and doesn't do well with change. How will divorce affect him?

A. It's true that Asperger's children struggle more with change and also they're typically not very good at reading people's emotions. Your son will require simple, clear explanations, but so would any child. What's most important for your son's adjustment is your and your ex-partner's adjustment. If you're respectful of each other and reasonably similar in your parenting, it will help your son to adjust. So while your son needs help adjusting, his needs aren't very different than what all children need.

For a free newsletter about helping children cope with divorce, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read "Helping Your Children Cope With Divorce" at www.sylviarimm.com.

----

Son May Have Problems With Special-Needs Sibling

Q. I have a 14-year-old son and three daughters who are 10, 7 and 5. My 10-year-old is nonverbal and developmentally delayed -- she does, however, understand most of what goes on around her at home and in school. My son has absolutely no use for her at all and has told us on many occasions that he's embarrassed by her and her behaviors. I've recently gone back to work part time and about once a month he has been asked to get her off the bus because I've a meeting. Yesterday was one of those days, and the bus driver reported to me that she refused to get off the bus, and when she did, she ran from him and when he caught her, the bus driver witnessed him "smacking" her. I'm absolutely heartbroken, and I don't even begin to know how to handle this situation! My fear is that he'll blame her for the trouble he's in and it will simply continue the cycle. What are your thoughts and or suggestions?

A. There are difficult sibling rivalry issues that often occur when children have special needs. Although sometimes siblings learn to be especially kind, other times they feel unusually jealous -- particularly the child who lost attention or is the one just older than the special-needs child, namely your 14-year-old son. The special-needs child gets a different quality of attention with which the older child can never compete. Your son has probably felt rejected and has held in lots of anger about being displaced by his very needy 10-year-old sister. Obviously, this last occurrence is likely to increase his anger. It also increases the risk for your daughter and she cannot be safe unless you can change your son's attitude.

You can have a one-to-one meeting with your son and explain that you understand how he could feel frustrated and angry, but that it's not acceptable for him to take his anger out on his sister or hurt her. You can review some strategies he can use for getting your daughter to cooperate and tell him how much you'll appreciate his efforts. You can even explain that because it's a difficult job to guide his sister, you want him to know how much it means to you, and then ask him if he thinks he's up to helping you with her in the future. If he agrees, you can let him try again and you can thank him sincerely for each time. If he prefers not to and just feels too embarrassed, you'll have to make some other arrangement. Punishments will only worsen the situation, but your special appreciation may work. Counseling for your son could also help him cope with his anger and frustration.

For a free newsletter about sibling rivalry, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read "Tips for Reducing Sibling Rivalry" at www.sylviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Sigh

2009-03-18T14:19:00.003-04:00

What a challenge in today's "hug" devotional.

I know I certainly didn't shine a very nice light, this morning. In some ways I feel very much justified in my frustration.

I signed Chris (12-year-old son) to go on a field trip with his Air Cadet squadron to visit the military establishments in Ottawa. We had to be at the squadron building by 7:30 this morning, which meant being up around six and hopefully in the car by quarter to seven.

Well I woke Chris up at quarter after 6. I go up quarter to 7 to get baby Brent ready to discover Chris lying across the bed still in his pajamas. I was not happy. (Chris is mildly autistic and getting him up in the morning has been a struggle all year.)

Anyway...I was not a happy camper. We were 10 minutes late. Thankfully they hadn't left, yet, and a few other cars pulled in behind me, so I was glad I wasn't the only one.

So, I read today's hug and felt a tug at my heart. Then I read today's Scriptural thought and thought, I probably feel more like a speck of dust at the moment. But, it is very comforting to know that even though the light I displayed this morning was slightly more akin to the dark side, God still crowns me with all glory and honour. Hope you feel a little more like a crown and less like a speck of dust, today.

Bonnie Smith: Second Chances

2009-03-17T16:47:00.001-04:00

Read about Bonnie's struggle after becoming a widow.

Bonnie Smith: Second Chances

Up Close and Personal with Jenny Masche

2009-03-17T16:45:00.001-04:00

Just click on the title above or the link below to this amazing article.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/momsense/2009/marapr/upclosenpersonalwithjennymasche.html

Today's Hug

2009-03-17T06:00:00.004-04:00

What a great devotional--both today's Girlfriend Devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries and today's "hug".

First, today's Girlfriend Devotional--What People Notice Most--is an amazing reminder of what people notice about us. When people look at you do they see a positive person, that is content with her circumstances? Do they see a person who has something that they don't have--a relationship with Jesus? Do they see a person who in the midst of adversity has some sort of inner peace that they can see but can't explain.

One of my friends lost her home to a fire while she and her husband were on a vacation in the Bahamas over Christmas 2007. While she admits she did cry over it, what I saw was a family firmly based in Jesus Christ. Throughout the negotiations with the insurance company, the choosing of a builder to rebuild their new home, to the decision for her husband to retire, through the realization of the loss of many precious family belongings....You can imagine the stress this family was under. While they're new home was being rebuilt, they were put up in a hotel 30 minutes away instead of the two minutes away in the community where they lived.

But their testimony shone through clear and strong. Throughout this entire ordeal you could see the peace that they had because they were focused on God and how God was going to help through this.

If you haven't read the story of Micca Monda Campbell I invite you to visit her blog and get to know her. What an amazing testimony! Through a tragic accident, Micca became a widow at the age of 21! The grace that this woman has shown and her eagerness to share what she has learned with everyone is truly an inspiration. Pick up her book, too.

Then there's today's "hug"--A reminder to us that worrying gets us nowhere. One devotional I read a while ago said that worry was like a rocking chair, you can get going really fast but you never go anywhere. There are many worries assailing families, today. Assailing us, today. If I may hazard a guess most of those worries are likely due to money. I know ours are.

But, I've learned (and am still learning) to trust God for the moment. To give all my yesterdays, todays and tomorrows to Him. If we don't, the weight of the worry will crush us and keep us from enjoying life.

I have learned this through our baby Brent. I know he will grow so fast and one of these days I won't be able to hold on to him because he'll be running all over. So, with every feeding, even though he's quite capable of holding the bottle himself, I take the time to cuddle with him and use the time to relax and just enjoy holding him. I actually get very annoyed with Kevin because he seems to take such a hands-off approach to the feeding. I sit there thinking, do you not realize how precious this time is? Don't miss out.

Anyway...two really good lessons for us, today.

Have a great day!

Today's Confession

2009-03-16T06:20:00.003-04:00

I'm not a good housekeeper. I guess you could call me "domestically challenged" as you will read in this month's Today's Christian Woman.

My mother didn't train me that way. In fact, when I left home and lived with my MIL after Kevin and I were married, all I did was clean. I kept to the same regimen that my mother had always kept. Now, thirteen years later, I'm struggling to get back to that.

I look back at that time and see how busy a student I was. It was no different than how busy I am now, and yet I still ironed the shirts, washed the dishes, shoveled the walk/driveway, cooked dinner for when my parents arrived home, vacuumed and tidied.

How my housekeeping downward spiral happened is rather a long story so I won't go into all the details, but I was just getting myself back to work after having been home with Chris for a couple of years and working my schedule around Kevin's so that one of us was home with him. At one point, it became no longer possible for me to come home early. I ended up arriving home around 4:30 instead and I started the supper process. My husband was also working late shifts so we were like two ships passing in the night. I was a married single mother. So everything was left to me. And, I mean, everything.

With the stress of working and the stress in our marriage at the time, I decided it was better to spend what time I had left with Chris in the evenings (usually about an hour between the time when we finished dinner until bed time) than cleaning, washing, sweeping, and dusting. So, I just let it go.

Part of my frustration in the meantime has been my borderline obsessive compulsive tendencies clash with my husband and son's innate messiness and disorder. Our lives are surrounded by clutter that drives me bonkers!

Now, I'm struggling to pick up where I left off 10 years ago. I'm tired of living with clutter. I'm tired of being self-conscious of people coming over and what they think of our breeding dust bunnies and piles of dirty dishes, a kitchen table that can barely seat four because of the papers piled on top....I go to other mom's homes and I keep hoping to see the same type of clutter to tell me that I'm not the only one. But, I never see one. The homes I have visited are tidy, organized, and the floor, counters and desks are visible.

I have tried to let my OCD come back to try to get our house in the order I would like it. But, of course, that clashes with my polar opposite husband and son. But, things are slowly coming back. I have conquered the dishes, kitchen counter and stove. My remaining challenges are still getting laundry finished and put away in a timely fashion, sweeping and mopping (hardwood floors), and finding places for all our stuff--if we can't find a place for it, it's going to the thrift store (or it will sit in a box because my husband will say, I'll look at it later. That's Kevin-ese for it will sit there for the next three years until I ask him to look at it again.)

Anyway...If someone has ice cream out there, please have a scoop for me!

Take care.

Another Confession

2009-03-13T06:59:00.004-04:00

In our women's Bible study someone asked the question what is your pride and joy. I answered, "Mine is obvious: Brent."

One of the other ladies commented that Chris should be on that list, too. But, I knew in my heart that I couldn't put him on that list. I had stopped thinking of Chris as my pride and joy years ago. Perhaps that got lost in the 12 years (almost 13) since his birth. I know I was in love with him when he was born.

I feel as though Brent has given me a new lease on life.

At the time Chris was born, we had been through a whirlwind of things. We had gotten pregnant out of wedlock, gotten married, moved in with my MIL. I had to step out of my church activities for disciplinary reasons--I guess because I had sinned I wasn't worthy to be part of them anymore (I don't believe I even managed to live that down). I wasn't allowed to play in the band, sing in the choir, sing solos...until Chris was born. What had been my entire live up until that point had been stripped away.

As Chris grew older, I fell back on some old, firmly-ingrained habits. My mother had died when I was 9 and my younger brother was 5. With her death I took on kind of a mother role with my brother...but he was still my brother. I often saw him as a nuisance. That was the kind of attitude I had with Chris. More of a brotherly nuisance than a child of mine, because that's the only experience I had.

As I reflect back on how I raised Chris in his younger years, I'm continually amazed at how well Chris has turned out. Of course, I matured over the years, but still those early years were the most formative and, yet, Chris doesn't seem any the worse for wear.

But, I still feel as though I do love Brent more than Chris. I'm very proud of Chris and enjoy spending time with him and I do love him. But, it's not the same kind of adoration I have for Brent. Perhaps in a different way. I get along with Chris fine, so that's not really it. But, I knew when that friend wondered why Chris wasn't on that list, that emotionally I was not on the same level as I was with Brent. Perhaps because that bond is still very deep with Brent, and it's kind of waned with Chris as he grew older.

Anyway....anybody have the same dilemma with their multiple children?

"The Chosen"

2009-03-10T06:24:00.003-04:00

I know an amazing woman of God who speaks very proudly about her "chosen" daughter. She had given birth to all boys, but had always wanted a girl. I consider this woman an adopted grandmother. She has such a beautiful heart that I fell in love with her seconds after meeting her.

Today's Girlfriend Devotional addresses an aspect of life that I have never experienced, although in compiling my bucket list I found I had a heart for children who were never adopted.

A couple of years ago, Dr. Phil did a show on kids who had grown up in the system, had done really well for themselves (stayed off drugs, did well in school), but had never known the love of a family. The idea was to get the word out that these children are out there, and don't fit the mold of extremely troubled teens--although it might take a while for them to realize what love is.

Our women's ministries in our church is planning a slumber party and we're going to be listing the things on our bucket list. As I contemplated mine, I was rather surprised to see my hand write down in my prayer journal that I wanted to establish a home for those good kids who never got adopted and lived their whole life without a home. At the age of 18 they are unceremoniously "kicked out" of the system and are left to fend for themselves, because at that age the government declares them adults and is no longer legally responsible for them. I want to open a half-way house type thing where kids 16-18 can come and stay, learn about God, go to church with us (will be one of the requisites) and have an address that's their own from which to get a job, education, income, and a family.

Like I said this came as a complete surprise to me. And, just as my Senate job was a surprise, just as my ability to work from home, just as my learning to write webcopy and SEO--search engine optimization (I used to just look at those projects and say, I wish I could do that), I know that God will see this surprise through to completion. At this point it's still a mystery how, but He's done these other things I never expected and never asked for that were exactly what I needed.

Please share what's on your bucket list and what surprises God had brought to light for you! Oh, and read today's girlfriend devotional.

A Confession - Brent's name

2009-03-09T07:20:00.002-04:00

Since March is a month of confessions I thought I would start with this one.

I love my son to death. (No, that's not my confession...just wait!) His laugh is infectious. His smile and temperament is a joy to every one. I love to be sitting in my office early in the morning and listen to him wake up. He doesn't scream or fuss like many other babies. But, you can hear him begin to stir and once he's awake he starts spitting. For an entire 10 minutes that's all I hear out of his crib.

But, I must confess, I don't like his name. Brent. For three months I had identified with my unborn child as Brenner. This was the name that had come to me like a lightening bolt, so I knew it was the right one. Kevin and I had talked about names and the discussion had stopped at this one and he didn't give me an answer whether he liked it or not. Since he didn't give a specific reason why didn't like it, I took that to mean he was okay with it.

Then, the night before my due date with my parents scheduled to return home in a couple of days and there being no signs of a baby, yet, just as I'm getting myself into bed after a long, but fun and exhausting day...my husband comes up to bed and announces, "His name is Brent." When I questioned and he insisted on it, I burst into hormone-induced tears.

Since I was no longer in any mood to sleep, I continued mulling over the name and the reasons for the name change.

Everyone I had mentioned "Brenner" to as the name we were going with, had said it was a strong name. There weren't any really embarrassing or potentially embarrassing short forms of it, so I thought it was safe. It was actually the name of the hero in one of the books I'm writing.

Brent is my husband's middle name. I certainly wasn't going to name my son Kevin, since in my experience the name Kevin is a license for mischief and trouble. (I have had several Kevin's back me up on this observation.)

Brent means "hill". Brenner didn't really have a meaning, but I had hoped for something with a little more "pizzazz" I suppose. There's nothing deep or inspirational about "Brent".

But I suppose as with all babies, Brent will at the "pizzazz" himself...but I don't think I'll ever like the name as much as I love the baby.

Appreciating my Husband

2009-03-03T06:01:00.003-05:00

Today's Girlfriend Devotional by Micca Campbell really brought home how lucky I am to have Kevin (my husband). He may drive me nuts, but he works hard and is a good father. I know I couldn't keep up with maintaining all the yard, handy-man and car repairs that he takes care of.

Six months ago Kevin was my rock as we made the decisions around which delivery method we wanted for our son. (My MIL was great, too...she took Chris and even dropped him off at day camp that week!)

I can't imagine going through what Micca went through. It's one of my worst fears. I've been terrified of fire since I was very little.

Anyway...Gotta get going!

Thank you, Lord, for showing me what I have to be grateful for.

Reflection on Today's Thought

2009-03-02T05:57:00.003-05:00

I love today's thought.

I don't know about you, but this past week was one of those having too much to do and getting stressed over clutter weeks. Deadlines, laundry, messy rooms...all led to a very stressful week.

In the last few months I have been trying more and more to listen to that still small voice when I ask "What should I do now?" I know I have to do one thing at a time. It's just a matter of figuring which thing would be best served at this particular time.

I suppose it's the Christian version of "wait and see". I'm not a wait and see kind of person. I'm a planner. I have a schedule and not very much can break me of that schedule. But, I have realized as I yield the flow of my schedule to the Lord to guide me with what I should do next, the burden is no longer there. Yes, my house and desk and to-do list is still cluttered, but I see the progress being made, things getting done, and as I start clearing away big things and small things from that to-do list, I feel a sense of accomplishment.

I have just finished reading a Christian suspense book, "Collision of Angels" by Michael Carver and, even though it's fiction, I have really learned what it's like to take everything--absolutely everything--to God. Before I do anything, I pray I about it. Before I agree to do anything, I pray about it. As I stare at all the things I need doing in my house, I pray about what would best be done in the time I have at the moment.

I have been fretting over my schedule and one morning when Brent woke up around 5, I decided to stay up and get some other things done before I really got going. For the last few weekday mornings, I have used the time to do my devotions, update this blog, get through my e-mails and spend 30 minutes on the treadmill reading a book.

I have found this also gives me time to throw in a load of laundry, fix my 12-year-old son's lunch, get the baby up....When I was working full-time outside the house, I hated getting up at 5. Now, I look forward to it because I can see the progress I make on my day. I'm not as stressed as I was when I would reach 10:30 and only just be finishing getting through my e-mail.

As you go through your day and week, remember to take everything, every moment, every household chore, before God and commit every action to him and let him guide those actions, you will find that your schedule, while still packed, seems just a little less overwhelming.

Exercise By: K.R. Pinkston

2009-03-01T21:05:00.000-05:00

“You look amazing,” my neighbor says, as she watches me soak up some sun in my new bikini. Her eyes are fixed on my belly. I take a deep breath to push up my ribcage, thereby accentuating the firm muscles of my abdomen.

This is only a dream, of course.

In reality I avoid displaying my figure. In a way that was easier to do before our son was born. Now, I dread the summer months when I have to accompany him to the local pool. Usually I select a shady place behind the bushes and waddle to the pool with my oversized towel wrapped around my figure. Over the years I have become quite skillful at dropping the towel and submerging myself into the pool simultaneously.

Let’s just say that I don’t feel attractive in a bikini.

But this is going to change in 2009. Now that I am closer to 50 years of age than 20, I realize that I need to lose some fat and exercise more. I have to say “more exercise” because I do exercise every day. But, apparently, lugging twenty pounds of laundry up and down the stairs on a daily basis does nothing to combat the fast accumulation of fatty cells in my upper arms.

“Why don’t you go out jogging with me in the morning?” My husband asked. Now, there are some things I enjoy doing with my husband but stomping through the woods and waking up the birds is not one of them.

"No honey, I can’t.” I sighed. “We’re not allowed to leave Stefan at home alone, remember.” Whoever came up with the rule that younger kids cannot be left unsupervised at home, please accept my heartfelt gratitude.

Of course I know it is all about making a commitment and sticking with it. According to an article I read in Stars and Stripes newspaper, a psychologist explains that only about 3 percent of people who make a resolution end up meeting that goal. Setting a realistic goal and tracking your progress help to ensure success in the end. In other words, I can forget about having an abdomen of steel by June.

But what course of action should someone take who despises sports? Throughout the years I have forced my cranky self into the gym to work out, only to abandon that regimen after a few weeks. I just cannot find any joy in pushing and pulling on a weight machine. I have tried taking classes to keep up my commitment, but after a few weeks I always find excuses not to go.

My thoughts have led me to some deep soul searching. I believe that God loves me no matter if my figure resembles a polar bear or a ; yet, I also believe that God wants me to take good care of my body, so that I can take good care of others. How heartbreaking it is to have a child who wants to play soccer with me, but I am too sluggish to play? How sad was I when our son ice skated for the first time a few weeks ago, and I could not join him because I was too scared to try.

Perhaps the clue is not to think about exercising at all, but restating my goal for 2009 as being more active and having more fun. I could join in kicking the soccer ball a few times a week, walk our son to and from school and dance with him to his favorite songs at home. I can even buy some inline skates. Granted, I might demolish our basement as I practice skating there, and I might never get the hang of skating, but I will make an effort.

The Wants of Stress By K.R. Pinkston

2009-02-25T10:35:00.003-05:00

Oh, what a stress-free life I had before I became a military wife and mother. Little did I know that it is less stressful to finish a term paper at 3 a.m. than to care for a sick child when my husband is in some distant land.

Major events like deployments, marriage, birth of a child, or moving are stressful. Even worse are the unplanned events that shake my faith. Yet, over the years I have learned that I must focus my energy (and sanity) on the stress factors that I can control. It is the day-to-day living, the raising of our child, my attitude, my work schedule that I can control - at least in theory.

Granted, as a stay-at-home mom, I do not have to cram for exams, attend staff meetings or appease the supervisor. Nobody comes into my house to give me a rating on the cleanliness of my carpets or counsel me on the pile of laundry left in the basement.

The daily dose of stress I experience is often self-inflicted. It is the “wants” in our family that create the bulk of a hectic lifestyle. In my ideal world, I want to open the front door anytime of the day to welcome unexpected guests to my immaculate home. One of these days this will happen, but not before the military stops moving us every couple of years, I volunteer less, get up earlier, write fewer stories and read fewer books, watch no BBC comedy shows, unplug the phone, get more organized, and learn to say “no.”

“Mom?” Our son, Stefan, pulled on my sleeve the other day. “I want to play soccer again. Can you sign me up?”

I had been dreading this question for days. He loves to play soccer, but soccer also means a rework in our schedule. “Are you really sure? On top of guitar and tennis lessons? Plus homework every day? You won’t have much time to play outside anymore.”

“Please, Mom. Please. I can do it. I promise.”

“I don’t know.”

“But Ian and David are also playing. And they take more lessons than I do.” Stefan knows how to push the right buttons.

“Ian’s playing soccer. I see.” How in the world does Ian’s mother do it? They have four kids and her husband is deployed. My conscience badgers me. Of course I know I should not try to keep up with the neighbors, but do what is best for my family.

I sigh and nod my head. I know he can do it. But can I?

By the end of soccer season I will be able to identify any brand of frozen pizza sold in Europe blindfolded. In my mind I already see the dust bunnies on top of the unpacked boxes in the basement swelling to the size of elephants. Outside, the moles will flock to our lawn once they realize I am no longer spoiling their underground parties and recreate the Alps.

Should I curtail his after-school activities, so I would have less stress? Or should I reduce my activities? But what can I cut? I cannot ignore household chores until my home has a self-cleaning button like my oven. Perhaps I should cut my volunteer hours or my writing time? But what about my own wants?

Needs and wants are not the same. We all need love, nourishment and a home. We need to earn money to live. Satisfying our needs is not an option, but satisfying our wants is. Our son does not need to play an instrument or play sports. I do not need to volunteer and write. Yet, living without satisfying some of our wants is not fulfilling. It is the wants that show us our talents, individuality and how we can serve others.

After some thinking we sat down with a schedule and prioritized. He will play soccer but cut down on tennis lessons. I will rearrange my volunteer schedule so I can get chores done. On Sundays we will plan meals together and cook some for the week ahead. In doing this I hope our child learned that we cannot have everything we want and that fulfilling wants comes at a price.

This new schedule is a temporary solution. In a few weeks, soccer season will be over. In a few months we will move again. In a few more years, our child will be grown. Even as I write this story I am reminded that life does not stand still or follow my schedule. A few days ago, I was on my knees cleaning up the pound of flour that I had dropped, when the phone rang. My sister said that our mother fell and suffered an open fracture in her arm.

“I may never be able to use my arm properly,” my mother said, when I visited her, “but it could’ve been worse. I was lucky.”

“Yes.” I swallowed and looked away from the tubes and wires coming out of her arm. “You could’ve broken a hip.”

On my way out of the hospital wing I noticed a couple of chairs in the hallway. Two boys around Stefan’s age sat at the table in the corner playing cards. They had pushed the chairs away to make room for their wheelchairs. One of the boys had only one leg.

All this time I had been worried about stress and how we could fit our activities into our daily schedule. Seeing my mother and then the boys reminded me that I must be grateful for being able to be busy even though my days are hectic. Yes, this means being grateful that I can chase the dust bunnies and rake the lawn after a mole attack; being grateful that I can fulfill some of my wants in life to volunteer and write stories. Above all, it means being grateful that we have a healthy child who wants to play soccer.

Marital Stresses

2009-02-23T09:37:00.002-05:00

I like today's girlfriend devotional.

It took me a while to decide which devotional to post, this morning.

I'd been having many stresses in the last few days--my 12-year-old is a bear to get out of bed in the morning; I found out that I couldn't send messages through my yahoo account--still trying to get that fixed, thank goodness I have the back up of Google; I'm PMSing; Brent keeps wanting me up at 6...when my body wants an extra 30 minutes; my to-do list is really tight on deadlines at the moment......

But some of my stress has also been with my husband. I follow a blog (you will see the link in my blog list) called Married Single Mothers. My husband works shift work. Those days he works, I'm all by myself. Fortunately, as much as I fight with my 12-year-old to get him out of the house in the morning, he is very helpful around the house (hence my posting about washing dishes). We are very self-sufficient.

But, when my husband is home I'm already in a rhythm of my own and, because of his impeccable timing gene (which my 6-month-old seems to have inherited), my husband lands smack dab in the middle and is on his own schedule. I almost feel like he's being left behind in that respect. He sees how we get along when he's not there and that the world keeps going on. I love that he works so hard for us and is taking on extra shifts to help pay off the car we just bought, but I also wonder if in some ways he feels left out. Hmmmm.

Anyway, there are issues like this that stress our marriages and relationships as well. Stress doesn't necessarily have to come in the form of a jam packed schedule. It can come from our own priorities...and just from the natural ebb and flow of life.

If you haven't done it, yet, I would highly recommend taking the Love and Respect marriage conference, and seeing the movie Fireproof. Don't look at it as a lesson for your husbands, see it as a lesson for yourself.

And, in the midst of all this, don't forget to pray and read the Bible and seek God's wisdom and guidance in all these things.

"The Hiding Place"

2009-02-23T09:33:00.004-05:00

I love today's Scripture reading: Psalm 32:7 - For you are my hiding place....

A little over a year ago, five friends decided to start a chat group. We wanted that group to a group of prayer, encouragement and friendship. We wanted a place where we could vent and not be judged. A place where we could come with our prayers and praises and be met with acceptance and compassion.

We chose the name "the hiding place".

I'm very pleased to say that these ladies are my best friends. Even though we have never physically met. They were the inspiration behind my starting the girlfriendnetwork blog and network.

Glad to have you all here.

Do The Next Thing

2009-02-19T16:12:00.001-05:00

This is a great stress reliever post, again from Marybeth Whalen. Marybeth is a homeschooling mother of six who also makes a living as writer and Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker. I'm in the process of trying to organize a visit of hers to our area.

Enjoy this article!

http://marybethwhalen.blogspot.com/2009/02/do-next-thing.html

Interview with Cara Putman

2009-02-19T09:17:00.003-05:00

Just click on the title to see an interview of Cara Putman with Marybeth Whalen.

Cara Putman is a homeschooling mother of three who is also a writer! Since I'm also a writer I thought her words of wisdom really spoke to where I am, as did her words of handling the stress of trying to manage a schedule with homeschooling and her relationship with the Lord.

A good read. And it's not very long!

Enjoy